Pearls & Boots

Dear Joliet Parker - Month 3

2012-03-01T09:47:00.008-05:00

Dear Joliet,
You turned 3 months old on February 19th. Little lady, what gives? You are three months old and people swore to me that by three months you would be sleeping through the night, colic would be gone, and you'd be talking, walking, and potty trained... well, maybe not those last three, which is okay, because we don't want you growing up too quickly anyway!

It seems like the DAY you hit 3 months you revved up big time in the colic department. Now instead of just having meltdowns in the afternoon and evenings, you have them in the morning too. Good thing Mimaw Nita loves you like we do, or she might just tell mommy and daddy that Mr. Butler can watch you while mommy's at work, she can't do it anymore. But she keeps letting me bring you back every morning, so Amen for that!

This month you had your first bout of constipation which was almost as painful for mommy as it was for you. You cried for 2 days, and I finally called the doctor and they said bring you on in because they could tell over the phone that my hair was standing on end because you were screaming so loudly. We got you something that worked like a charm and after about 1 hour of almost constant pooping, you grinned nonstop for the rest of the night. And then geared back up for a full day of screaming your head off with daddy.

You also had your first real cold, and then you gave it to mommy and we were both miserable for about a week. We coughed and hacked, and had runny noses and no sleep. We cried a lot together that week. It was rough, but nothing serious and we bounced back once it moved on down the road.

This month you began to hold your head up for longer periods of time when mommy or daddy holds you, and you sit up pretty well when you're supported by pillows. One morning while I was getting ready for work you started whimpering and grunting and I walked back in the room and you were laying sideways and cockeyed, where had slid down and sideways and were looking at me out of the corner of your eye with an "are you kidding me? help me out here lady" look on your face. So, you're not there yet, but pretty soon, you'll be doing it all on your own.

You are talking a lot more. Cooing and blowing bubbles, and being a regular old chatty cathy. You haven't said "mommy you're my favorite" yet, but I can tell you are getting close.

You've also started reaching and grabbing for things. It's so cute to hold something out and see you swing your arms around in circles getting closer and closer to whatever I'm holding until you surprise yourself by actually grabbing it.

You are growing like a stinkin' weed and mommy and daddy have a feeling you are going to be tall. Mommy still puts you in your 3 month onesies, and you look like you are going to blow out the feet of them any moment.

You've also started drooling a lot which is a sign that teething may be just around the corner. With the spitting up and the drool, you and whoever(whomever? that one always trips mommy up!) is holding you goes through a lot of shirts during the day!

When you are starting to get fussy we can generally put you on the changing table and for whatever reason you will calm down, and start talking. I love snuggling you under your chin and blowing hard on your tummy. Your eyes get big like you have no idea what is going on, but you like it. Unless you don't and then you just get mad and scream, and mommy goes and sits in the corner, holds her knees, and rocks back and forth like a crazy lady. just kidding. maybe.

We've been taking you to church a lot lately, and you stay with us the whole time. Most Sundays you do well. Sometimes you sleep almost through the whole service, and mommy and daddy just smile and nod, and cut eyes at each other when people say, "Oh, what a good baby!". Other times you open your mouth and we can tell you're about to lose it, so Daddy jumps up with you like his britches just caught fire and heads outside before the whole place comes crashing down around us with your intense scream.

Some days it seems like you have been around for ever. Other days we look at you in wonder and just can't believe you're here. It's been 3 months, and for the life of me I can't remember what I did before you were born. Oh wait, it just came to me... sleep. I slept a lot before you were born. Some Saturdays the only decision mommy would have to make is how long to lay around on the couch before getting up and going back to bed for a nap. I don't sleep anymore. Haven't really since the day we brought you home, but that's okay. You're totally worth it. That crazy mommy with the dark circles, and bags, and new wrinkles, and oily hair, and well, you get it.... that mommy loves you like she's never loved anything before in her life.

Just in case we don't say it enough (though I think we say it a million times a day), we love you, we love you, we love you. If you are never sure about anything else in your life, you can be certain of that. Through the good, through the bad, through the long days, the even longer nights, the screaming fits, the feeling of "what am I doing wrong", all the moments, of all the days, of all our lives, we love you.

You are a whirlwind in a tiny body J-bird, and if this is any indication of the woman you are going to become, I do believe you will move mountains.

Happy 3 months Baby Girl.
Mommy

What I ♥...

2012-02-15T09:57:00.025-05:00

i love her.

i love them.

and him

and them too.

i love here.

and here

i love this.

and that.

i love....

being a mommy

when big j gets up with little j at 5 o'clock on saturday mornings so i can sleep in

that my daughter has slept 8 hours on 3 different occasions, not consecutively but that's still progress!

that my mom seems to always know when i'm having a bad day, and calls to "check on" me without me having to call her first.

that the honeymoon period of my marriage is over, but i am more in love with my husband today than i was the day i married him

the way my dad knows how fix e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g

when i let mr. butler out of his crate in the morning, he stretches out as wide as he can and then jumps up and hugs my leg

the smell of lemon zest

the inside jokes i share with my brother

a good tube of mascara

taking pretty pictures and making pretty papers

the way my daddy says "you're so pretty, i love you so much" to my daughter

a good book

my mother's hands
they are always soft as butter and cool to the touch

mismatched antique silverware

dancing around with jolie to motown music when she's having a meltdown

old christian, gospel, & camp hymns/songs

a long nap

the smell of jolie's laundry

the feeling i get when we pass over the causeway to the island

hearing jolie and her daddy 'talk' to each other

repeating 'i love jolie' over and over again and having her coo back at me each time

telling jolie that she's smart, pretty, kind, loving, generous, patient, respectful, humble, grateful, all the words of traits that i want to instill in her as she grows.

creme brulee

the feeling of coming home i get when i walk through the door of the house in ssi

the dual feeling of coming home i get when i walk through the door of our home every day

pinning things on pinterest

lewis grizzard

when tiki-belle puts her paws up on the side of the bed and looks over the mattress with a hopeful look on her face asking to be let up on the bed (works every time)

lunch dates with my grandmother

when i cook something that actually tastes good

driving through emerson and seeing my uncle riding down the road on his lawn mower

planning all the little and big things i/we want to do to the house

singing along with adele and k̶n̶o̶w̶i̶n̶g̶ thinking i sound exactly like her.

researching my family history

looking up words in a thesaurus

play dates for mommy

when all the laundry is finished and put away (until j gets home)

that our neighbor/friend who watches jolie during the day loves her like a surrogate granddaughter

the face jolie makes when she wakes up and stretches

watching and laughing at 'how i met your mother'

$1 sweet teas from McDonald's

pronouncing McDonald's "Macdonalds" and driving Jason crazy in the process

the way jolie's hair sticks up after her bath, nap, playtime, nursing, etc... and we nearly have to slick it down with spit to get it to stay down

when jolie pokes her bottom lip out right before she starts whimpering. it's not a real cry, it's more of a 'feel sorry for me' look that is just so pitiful and funny at the same time

myrtle street beach access

puppy breath

the fact that i lost all of my baby weight +some within 4 weeks of giving birth, that was 50 pounds people (i'm sure i'll gain a good bit back when i stop nursing!)

when jason brings home fresh flowers

air purifiers

decorating on a shoestring budget and it turning out like i envisioned

whimsically designed fabric patterns

eclectic farmhouse style

tufted furniture

when jason wears a bow tie

when jason wears wranglers and a pearl snap

when jason wears.... well, you get it (he makes anything look good)

mixing metals in my decor (gold, silver, pewter)

cigarette pants

being unexpectedly, but pleasantly surprised by life

sunday sermons

sunday dinners after church

the way sweet pea gets excited when i go down to feed her

sitting by the campfire on a crisp, cool evening as the sun goes down and comes back up (with a good night of sleep in between)

the sounds of birds, and crickets, and squirrels running through the trees

vintage tea cups and saucers

fair food
(as in funnel cake, fried oreos, corndogs, etc... not impartial, equal food) ps. i got to look up fair in the thesaurus. winning.

claw foot tubs and farmhouse sinks

bubblegum

my husband's laugh

jolie's funny faces

vintage luggage

i guess i can wrap it up here, although i could probably write a list a day on the things i love.

i hope everyone had a very happy heart day!

xo,
asm

ps- i love my daughter.... can you tell?

Baby Mine - 2 Months

2012-01-20T10:43:00.020-05:00

Jolie turned 2 months on Thursday, the 19th. Um, excuse me, but how did that happen? It was just last week that I was getting up at night every 2.5 minutes to go to the bathroom, fighting the acid reflux with giant bottles of tums, couldn't see my feet, or get in and out of the car without "heave ho-ing" myself out of my seat. Wasn't it? Actually, it's no wonder I have absolutely no sense of time these days. Everything just kind of runs together now. I guess that's what happens when said 2 month old wakes up to: eat, spit-up, 'talk' (ie. grunt, groan, blow bubbles), poop, cry, play the stimulating game of 'put paci in, spit paci out', all.night.long. I'm back to work now, which adds an even more exciting element to the new mommy game. I pretty much stay in a state of moderate to severe delirium depending on the day. But I'm still trying to just take in every moment, because in the larger scheme of things, I know these days are fleeting, and one day I'll look back, and really wonder where the time went.

wearing mommy's bonnet

Dear J-bird,
You are two months old. And I didn't think it was possible, but daddy and I love you even more than we did the moment we first saw your precious face. Some things haven't changed in the past month, you still keep mommy up most of the night, and you still spit up, a.lot. Between you and your daddy, my pretty pink couch is pretty much ruined. Daddy likes to drop food on it when he's eating dinner in front of the t.v., and you like to projectile vomit your dinner all over it when daddy goes to burp you. For some reason we had a delayed response to the fact that it happened every time, and now keep the cushions covered with blankets when we feed you on it. Daddy sometimes forgets though, but it's okay I would take you over a pretty pink couch any day of the week.
Especially because now you are cooing!!! It startled me the first time you did it. I was changing your diaper, and you looked right at me, and made the sweetest little sound that I've ever heard. You don't do it very often, maybe once or twice a day, so it's such a surprise and treat when you do it. Daddy and I crack up every time we hear you. And argue as to which one of us you are telling 'i love you' to! You also move your mouth in such a way that it looks like at any second your are just going to spout off a couple of sentences.
When you hit about 6 weeks you found your tongue, and when you are wide awake that little thing is just poking in and out of your mouth constantly. It makes our hearts so happy to see you discover your world.
Another first, is you are now crying real tears. For the most part, it's still just a lot of noise when you cry. But every once in awhile, when you are really upset with something (usually mommy taking too long before she feeds you), big ole crocodile tears squeeze out between your lashes, and it's just the most pitiful thing. They are usually accompanied by the most woebegone little frown, that just makes mommy and daddy feel so bad for you, but we usually still giggle because it's the cutest thing at the same time.
You still have most of your hair, but you seem to be getting more of a receding hairline. Looking more and more like daddy every day! Haha. It's getting thinner, but still dark and lovely.
Mommy finally broke down and put you on your tummy to sleep. This was a biggie for me. I don't know why I've been so worried or against it. I suppose it's because ALL the baby books, doctors, etc. say to put you on your back. But when you think about it, there is no animal in God's great kingdom that sleeps on it's back. I can't do it, so why do we think you will sleep comfortably doing it? You didn't. You're still up a lot, but I've seen a difference in how quickly you fall asleep when I put you down for bed. I think it helps with your reflux too.
Ah, acid reflux. How I loathe thee. I had it the whole time I was pregnant, and it was miserable, so if your reflux is even half of what I had, I hurt for you. You were diagnosed as a 'classic reflux baby' at 7 weeks, and put on medicine. I don't know how much it is helping because you still have screaming fits that the doctor said was caused by the reflux, so we may have to up your dose or change meds completely. We have your 2 month check up next week, so we'll find out more then.
Here's a fun fact. After two months of giving you a paci, mommy figured out that you've been sucking on a toddler pacifier (parents of the year, right here man!). I didn't even look at the packaging when I opened it up several days after we brought you home. I hope it doesn't mess up your sweet, pretty mouth. Another thing to ask the doctor. I tried giving you a new one that is made for a newborn, but you just kind of moved it around in your mouth and spit it out, and gave me a 'what exactly are you trying to pull lady?' look.
Your eyes are a dark, steely grey color, but I'm pretty sure they will stay dark and turn brown or hazel like mommy and daddy's. Your face shape is changing little by little. We think you look like daddy from the eyes up, and mommy from the nose down. And you still have the cutest little double chin (you get that from mommy too, yours is way cuter though!). Your legs are long, with just a roll or two up on your thighs, and your sweet little hands have dimples on the knuckles. Your lashes are long, but light in color, and your eyebrows are finally starting to darken up a little. Your fingernails are razor blade sharp and last week you swiped mommy on the cheek accidentally and drew blood! You've cut yourself several times, and even made the inside of your ear bleed like mad at one point. We nearly had a heart attack before we realized it was just a tiny scratch, and not some tragic injury of a sort that we were imagining when we first saw it.
The doggies and kitties are finally used to you. But Mr. Butler still gets upset when he hears you cry. I put Tiki-Belle up on the bed with us the other day, and she curled up at your feet. She's my love too, so I'm so glad that she seems to be taking to you more.
You're 2 months old, and lots and lots of changes my sweet girl.
All in all, you are a bright, shining, lovely, happy baby bird. Mommy's love, and daddy's pride & joy. We think we'll keep you.
Love you for always.
Mommy

The 'Bird's' Nest

2012-01-09T16:52:00.021-05:00

Since Handsome and I didn't find out that Jolie was a little lady until the moment the doctor put her in my arms, we couldn't really decorate her room until she got here. We decided on neutral colors beforehand, which were gray and yellow. We picked the wall color and Jason turned into superman and changed out the flooring on the second floor, including her room, and painted. We got the crib, and then we just had to wait around to finish the rest. I did order what I thought was a solid white crib bedding set, but when it came in, J opened it up and found out that there were tiny pink flowers all over the inside bumper and crib sheet. I thought about sending it back, but wound up deciding to keep it just in case... it was a sign!

Everything in her room but her bedding and a painting is used, borrowed, or handmade. And although I still for some reason tell people her room is 'gray & yellow', it's more accurately 'gray & every color in the rainbow'. There's no real theme, which I'm okay with because I'm not a boxed room kind of girl. I like more of an eclectic or whimsical look. There are a few more things that need to be completed, I still need to hang the custom birth announcement wall art that I made. And I'm still looking for the perfect yellow curtain to go on the window, a rug, and a red or yellow glider to replace the rocking chair. I also still have to get my dads old Boy Scout box and clean it up to use as her toy box under the window.... So, all in all, it's still a work in progress. It may be finished by the time she gets her drivers license.

The cow painting was the first purchase we made for the nursery. The few people that have seen it, have been "wow. a cow. in a nursery", but we love it. The 'M' was made for me by a sweet friend who threw us a beautiful baby shower.

I painted this chair 'ballet slipper pink' and recovered the seat with a pretty new fabric. The lamb I bought at the Goodwill for .50 cents. Double washed it, and it's good as new.
These little porcelain farm life figurines were in my room when I was a little girl. The table was given to me by a friend, and I changed out the original black knobs to give it a little more color.
The Texas & Georgia wall art I made
Gold frame and chicken wire display (made by my daddy) of "pretties". vintage purse, hankie, and kid gloves belonged to my Great-Grandmother
antique lamp, picture of Jolie's mommy and mumsey, & a book "A Southern Belle Primer"
Embroidery hoop + fabric makes for inexpensive & custom wall art

antique lamp base, with a pink shade & fabric rosettes I made for less than $5
vintage beaded coin purse collection. (still need pictures in several frames)
I purchased this sweet angel at a local boutique in town. I've had it for several years. It's like it was made for her nursery.

floral painting was painted by Joliet's Great-Great Aunt Scarlett

a sweet little white dress from when I was a baby

This curtain isn't staying. I'm still looking for a pale yellow cotton print to make a panel for the window.

So that's Little Bird's nest as it is for the moment. Can't wait to get it all finished up!

Wait... What?

2012-01-05T13:36:00.013-05:00

okay, so life with a newborn/infant/almost 7 week old isn't easy. wait... nobody said it was? how could i have missed that? Actually, I didn't... it used to drive me crazy when people said, "enjoy your sleep, the peace and quiet, and time to yourself now, because once the baby comes, it's all over" with that smug little, 'i know something you don't know' look on their face, and a little giggle almost to themselves as if they had waged a war at some point and come out victorious and much wiser on the other side. It was then followed up by a quick, "but they are totally worth it" and I wondered if they were trying to convince me or themselves of that fact. I hated when people said that. They made having a baby sound like the choosing to have a child was equivalent to a bad toothache followed by a root canal, followed by a week long hangover. Okay, maybe not that bad, but rough going nonetheless.

Ahem....

The first few weeks, Little Bird slept, ate, pooped, slept, ate. a.lot. My nights were spent awake, and that made sense, but I assumed that by 4 weeks or so, something would change. She would sleep more and eat less during the night, start self-soothing more, and semi-entertaining herself some so I could do a few things around the house. W.R.O.N.G. She has gotten consistently worse. Last night I slept for 23 minutes total. Jason got about 45 probably, and Jolie got about 3 hours. That's when she wasn't eating every 1 1/2 hours, and screaming her head off the rest of the time. I don't know what's going on, but for the past 3 days, she's been what I deem "colicky", screaming .screaming. for no reason for minutes at a time. She'll go from perfectly content, interacting and making faces at me, to her face turning beet red and legs and arms locked out tight, with a noise coming out of her little lungs that is so high pitched at times only the dogs can hear it, and I know this because Mr. Butler will look at me with a pained expression and go sit at the door to be let out (25 degrees outside or not). I'm typing this up during a lull, but her legs have started kicking so I know the storm is about to rear its ugly head at any moment. I didn't know colic had a late-onset type, from everything I've read it tends to start subsiding by 6 weeks, not gearing up (maybe I'm not reading the right stuff). And this is right at the time I'm supposed to go back to work. Today was actually supposed to be my first day back, but I postponed it till Monday to hopefully buy some time to let this little fit work it's way out (in the name of Jesus, Amen). I don't know if this crying is caused by something I am eating and passing on to her that doesn't agree with her tummy, but I've cut out almost everything and have been eating bland prison food like water and bread for the past several days, so I don't know what much more I could do from that end....
Jason called and made a doctor's appointment for her for later this afternoon just to make sure it's nothing serious. I couldn't call because every time I picked the phone up, she would let out a holler that would frighten the crows, so talking to anybody on the phone was out of the question. Although I'm sure I could have just held the phone up to Jolie, and they would have scheduled me an appointment with no words being exchanged. My conversation with Jason went as follows:
Jolie: SCREAMING
Me: Please call...
Jolie: SCREAMING
Me: the...
Jason: what? I can't hear you... is she screaming?
Jolie: SCREAMING
Me: doctor
Jolie: SCREAMING
Jason: should we take her to the doctor?
Jolie: REALLY SCREAMING

Okay, so maybe it didn't go exactly that way, but it was close. The screaming part though? dead.on.

I'm hoping it's just gas, they'll give me some gas drops, and we'll be on our merry way, and she will sleep through the night, and be back to her cheerful, happy self in the morning (in Jesus name, Amen). At this point, if she's not eating or sleeping, she is in my arms and we are walking. walking. walking. If I stop walking or put her down, here comes the noise. Bless her.

I have a baby, and so now 'i know something you don't know" too, and now I can shake my head and smile a little when I come across another soon-to-be mother and just tell her to enjoy her sleep, peace and quiet, and time to herself while she can, because "trust me" once the baby comes, it's all over. I also know and promise, that your child will make nights shorter, make you feel a little . a lot . insane, and wring every last drop of love out of your heart and they are totally, and absolutely worth it. Every last sleep deprived second, day 4 of no shower, 16 piles of dirty laundry, no food in the house because you can't get to the grocery store, bewildered looks between yourself and your husband, frustrated spells (there have been quite a few), and memory loss, W.O.R.T.H. I.T. (and I'm not just trying to convince myself, haha)

peek-a-boo. i see you little girl. and you are the most precious thing in my life.

Month 1

2011-12-22T19:28:00.012-05:00

My little baby girl is already one month old. I am only in al̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶b̶i̶t̶ a lot of denial about this fact. In order to remember all the little changes as they happen, I decided to keep a month to month record of changes including a picture... or pictures. J-bird keeps me up almost all night long so as punishment, I spend all day taking pictures of her. she.hates.it. Too stinkin' bad little girl. Shouldn't be so cute.

Month 1

Joliet Parker Marrow
December 19, 2011
10.15 lbs. 23 3/4 ins.

You are one month old. You get prettier and prettier every day. And everybody falls more in love with you every time they see you.
You and mommy still get up 4 times a night. And feedings generally take 1.5-2 hours due to diaper changes, nursing, burping, and hanging out to let the milk settle. Makes for some long nights. For the past week you've been fussier than usual and I think it may be something in mommy's diet, so mommy has cut out dairy, tomatoes, mexican food, onions, anything spicy, chocolate, basically all the good stuff. .. hoping it will help your stomach settle. You are staying awake more which is a joy because we get to see those big ole beautiful eyes. You have the best time looking at the Christmas tree lights. You stare at them for hours. You've started turning your head to the sound of mommy and daddy's voice when we come in the room. You make the cutest face when you get finished nursing and start your stretching. Your face tightens up and you purse your lips. You usually have milk running down your chin and your face is damp from it, and mommy has to stop herself from squeezing and snuggling you too hard from you being so cute. You haven't had any projectile vomiting in a week or two, but do spit up on occasion a lot. I think you must grow an inch a day because every morning you look noticeably longer than the night before. Your eyes still cross from time to time, but that just means you are learning to control and focus them. Mr. Butler and Tiki-Belle still haven't quite figured you out, and mostly ignore you unless you are crying and then Mr. Butler whines and tries to jump up to get you. Your Mumsy found Crete sleeping in your crib yesterday, but that's pretty much the extent of the cats relationship with you. We haven't taken you out to meet Sweet Pea yet, but she probably won't have anything to do with you either, unless you have food for her. We still haven't quite figured out who you look like. You definitely have your daddy's hair. You even have his power alleys. Mommy doesn't see a whole lot of herself in you yet, except for the forehead. maybe that'll come or maybe you'll always just look like you. A beautiful, big eyed, pouty lipped little munchkin. One month baby girl, and we are loving every minute.

for some reason her headband reminds me of a spider crawling across her head.... eeeekk.

and one more....

She Has My Whole Heart...

2011-12-14T13:07:00.017-05:00

I love surprises. Birthday parties, Christmas presents, anniversary trips, things like that.... and a good surprise engagement story will melt my heart like butter every time.

Over November 18-19, I received the surprise of my life. Friday the 18th started off like any other (cue the whimsical music, and fade in), Jason happened to have the day off so he went with me to my twice a week Doctors appointment for my blood pressure check and non-stress test for Little Bit. I had been going to these appointments twice a week for the past month. Each time, they checked me and the baby, and determined that although my BP was high, they felt safe enough to let the pregnancy continue until the risk of continuing outweighed the benefits of waiting. However, they told us to be prepared, that at any time they could make the call to induce. Because they had been sending me home each time for the past month, when we went in Friday we assumed that that time would be the same. We went in and the nurse checked my BP and it read 150/90. She then said, Well, we're not going to do the NST today, we'll probably do something else. She then walked us back to the exam room, and told us to sit tight for the Doctor to come in and talk to us. Jason and I just sat there wondering what kind of other test they were going to do since they weren't doing the non-stress test. Well Dr. Little comes through the door and starts talking about the dangers of high blood pressure in pregnancy and all the side effects that it could cause to me and the baby. She then proceeds to say, so I think today is the day we need to make the call to go ahead and make plans to have this baby. Jason and I immediately look at each other, kind of dazed like, and I asked, "so, maybe induce Monday or Tuesday then?", and she said, "Oh no, we need to get this baby out a.s.a.p, we need to do this tonight." Holy Cow, it's kind of funny how surprised we were seeing as we had been told to be prepared for this for a month and half.

So as we are wrapping our heads around the fact that we were going to be parents soon, Jason heads to the house to get his and baby's bag, that had been packed, but not put in the car. I head over to labor and delivery to get started on the paperwork (fun!). I was walking around on a semi-cloud, because even though I knew we were having a baby, I didn't feel like I was having a baby. No contractions, no broken water, none of the stuff to know that I was in labor, and would soon be holding my baby on the outside instead of inside.

Apparently, that weekend was the most popular weekend of the year to have a baby because there was no room at the inn, meaning they didn't have any beds available to put me in, so I had to go sit in the waiting room with all the families who were waiting on their bundles of joy to arrive. Jason finally blew through the doors with all 50 of our bags, and there we sat for about 30 more minutes. A room eventually became available, come to find out we "stole" one from a mom-to-be who was ahead of us, but we were triaged to her room due to my preeclampsia issue. The l&d nurse got me all hooked up to the monitors, and gave me a pill around 8 that was going to "get things started" The plan was to get things rolling, and then they would give me pitocin Saturday morning, and hopefully we would have a baby by Saturday evening.

Once I was given the pill I started having contractions, and although they were uncomfortable, they weren't painful... I was like, man if this is as bad as it gets, "I've got this". I've had two bouts of kidney stones in the past, so I went into the labor thing with this big idea that I'd been through that kind of pain in the past, and the contractions I was feeling weren't that bad, so I had an overinflated sense that "HEY! maybe I can do this without the drugs...." Then, Dr. Little came back in to break my water. At that time she says, "the contractions will get noticeably stronger." That woman is a liar!! Within two minutes it felt like my insides were being turned inside out and I was hollering for the epidural! The anesthesiologist came in and hooked me up to the drugs, the problem was, it only took on my right side. My left side still felt like it was being screwed to a wall. He came back in about 30 minutes later and had to redo it, and the pain finally started to fade on my left side as well, thank you Jesus! Jason was probably pretty thankful too, because although I hate to admit it, I definitely would have been one of those laboring mothers who is jerking her husband by the collar screeching "you did this to me, I hate you!" haha. So again I say, thank you Jesus for modern medicine!

Well, the nurse came back to check me around 5 am, and was shocked to see that I had dilated to an 8 cm, would not be needing the pitocin, and would be pushing within the next hour or two. Jason quickly started calling family to let them know. By 7:30 I was at a 10 and had started pushing. I've always been under the impression that when you are having a baby with an epidural, you just kind of push, and there's the baby. No real work involved. HA! I don't know where I got that idea, but good thing I'm not a betting woman, because I would have lost my shirt on that one. I only pushed for 45 mins, but each time I just knew my head was about to blow off my neck. Thank goodness it didn't because that would have just added a whole other level of mess I wouldn't have been prepared to deal with.

Well, Handsome and my mom coached me to push one more time, and then there she was. SHE. we have a daughter. Since Jason and I didn't find out the gender of the baby, that was the second surprise in 24 hours, and it was the best, most beautiful, heart stopping, life changing surprise. They put her up on my chest, and I got one good look at her before they took her away because she wasn't catching her breath immediately, and they had to work on her for a few minutes. But in that moment, I was forever changed. When I heard that first reedy cry, my breath stopped, and I understood in that moment, what "they" mean when they say, that "deciding to have a child is to decide to forever after have your heart go walking around outside your body." For the rest of my life, my heart belongs to a dark haired beauty with big, bright eyes. I don't know where her life will take her, or what plans God has for her, but I do know that her daddy and I will always be her biggest fans. She will always be the love of our lives, and we will love her with our whole hearts until the end of time.

So that's our delivery story, minus a few details that are better left unwritten about. For the record, labor and delivery is not pain free, elegant, and/or a clean event. And whatever modesty you may feel, is soon gone right out the window.

But trust me.... it is also the most awe-inspiring, overwhelmingly beautiful moment that life can offer. Children are a gift from God. A miracle in its purest form.

Joliet Parker Marrow.... our joy, our happiness, our heartbeat, our miracle.

Rock-A-Bye Baby

2011-11-17T12:48:00.010-05:00

Well, Tuesday we hit 37 weeks, Full Term!! Whoo Hoo.... we are 3 weeks away from our original D-Day, December 7. But due to my being diagnosed with preeclampsia, the docs say little sweet will definitely be here before then, whether I go into labor on my own, or we induce still waits to be seen. I've been on bed rest since October 24, and for the record, I am slowly.going.insane. Bed rest is no where near as fun as I was expecting it to be. They put me on bedrest on a Monday, by 9 am that Tuesday, I was talking to the dogs and put out that they wouldn't talk back. But as much as I complain about it lately, I know that it has done exactly what it was supposed to do, which was buy more time for the baby to continue to grow strong and healthy, to lessen the chance of underdeveloped lungs, etc... Jason has been so incredibly patient with my mood swings, and the fact that much like the first trimester, where I became a living, breathing bump on a log because of the fatigue, most of the burden falls on him to cook, clean, grocery shop, paint, and put down flooring. This baby is one lucky little bit to have him as a daddy, and I'm incredibly lucky to have him as a husband!

We go tomorrow for another NST, which is a non-stress test they perform on the baby that they've been doing twice a week for the past month. This test is to determine whether or not the baby has been affected by my high blood pressure, which thankfully up til this point, he or she has not. All signs are pointing to an active, healthy, good size baby. So AMEN for that!!! Tomorrow, we will also hopefully set a date for induction. YaY for a plan!!

We still have finishing touches to put on the nursery, so I'm not doing any pictures yet since it's very basic at this point, because I really want to wait til little sweet gets here to finish it up.

I have made some artwork for the nursery.... Nothing is in a frame yet... Still looking for some pretty barnwood frames.

This is a quote I ran across on Pinterest, that makes my heart skip a beat every time I read it.

Jason was born in Texas, and I really wanted to include that somewhere in the nursery, so I made this, and then of course had to represent the great state of Georgia where I was born... so I made this companion piece....
These are a little girly, so if little sweet, is a little sweet boy, I'll probably redo these and use more "manly" colors... and maybe save these and frame them and hang them over the oven in the kitchen.

This is the antique cradle Jason got me for the baby. We've actually had it for well over a year, and I have been in love with it since the moment I first saw it. It's one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in it's simplicity and what it represents. All it needs now is a baby!!

About the Boy....

2011-09-23T12:29:00.002-04:00

He...

is a soon-to-be first time daddy.

is Texas born, and North Georgia raised.

loves the Bulldogs, the Braves, buying American, fly fishing, and spending time in the woods.

loved Pat Green even before he “went Nashville”.

opens car doors, restaurant doors, and always lets the girl walk ahead of him.

brought flowers and a card to his girl's mom for mother's day... and nobody asked him to.

has 535,326 baseball caps (give or take a few).

has just as many t-shirts.

would take a bad day of fishing over a good day at work any day.

is as comfortable in a pearl snap and wranglers as he is in a seersucker suit and bow tie.

looks dang good in both.

is the first to grab hands with his girl when they are walking together.

watches Keeping Up With the Kardashians with his girl, and doesn't complain.

hates gas grilling, only grills with charcoal.

gets frustrated when he spends hours cleaning and washing his girl's car, and then she leaves fingerprints all over the door, junks up the car with stuff from work, and leaves candy wrappers & receipts in the cup holders.... but he keeps doing it anyway.

likes reading crime thrillers.

brought his girl a bouquet of wildflowers, and took her to a haunted corn maze for their first date, and didn't think she was a weirdo for freaking out, and climbing all over him in the corn.

called her for a second date,.... and married her.

has a criminal justice degree from the University of Georgia, but wound up in surveying and spends a lot of his time with a machete in the woods.

is great with kids, and they love him, except when he grows out his beard and then they freak out a little because the wooley-bugger look can be a bit intimidating.

buys Dawn dish soap, "because they donate money to save the whales and stuff."

is a much better cook than his girl.

will eat anything she cooks, sometimes he actually likes it.

is the oldest of four, and fits the "oldest child personality" to a T.

plays baseball with an adult men's league baseball team, and he's pretty good. (+ looks super cute in the uniform).

thinks he is always right. always.

usually is right.

has always wanted a dump truck to drive around "just because".

drinks his coffee strong, and black. you could throw a horseshoe in his cup, and it would stand up straight.

is a natural in a cowboy hat, and saddle.

wants to live in Montana, meet Nolan Ryan, and hike the Appalachian Trail, before he dies.

could have played golf and gone to Reinhardt for college on someone else's dime, but chose UGA and doing it "on his own" instead.

irons his own clothes because she is terrible at it.

rescued a dog off the side of the road, that wound up loving him more than life itself.

is no nonsense, independent, strong willed, and honest.

looked like he was 12 until he was 20.

sings along to lady gaga and britney spears in the car.

is affectionate, patient, thoughtful, and kind hearted.

tolerates his girl's ability to make everything more complicated than it should be.

is a firm believer in picking yourself up by the boot straps, and not relying on others to make your life happen for you.

says he doesn't care if his first baby is a boy or girl, but she knows he really wants a boy so "he can watch over the others", (& so there will be another person in the house who will willing watching espn with him all day long).

is as american and southern as apple pie and cornbread.

is the only boy the girl will love for all her life.

About the Girl....

2011-09-21T12:51:00.019-04:00

She....

loves anything in a mason jar

is a soon-to-be first time mama

loves eating honey off the spoon

loves Dolly Parton's attitude

will risk snake bites, and scratched up arms & legs to eat a fresh blackberry off the vine

loves her rust bucket '89 Ford Bronco, but enjoys the air conditioning & reliability of the Cadillac

loves people who think outside the box

loves flannel, campfires, & roasting marshmallows for s'mores

loves her mr. butler & tiki-belle (dogs), and crete (cat), and sorta likes petra (other cat, who doesn't like her back)

has a pig (sweet pea) that likes being scratched behind the ears, and loves mexican food, sweet potatoes, and twinkies.

will pick the cupcake over the carrot stick every.time.

loves riding horses with her cowboy.

is not a big fan of summer, or sweating, or exercise of any kind.

loves mixing rustic and feminine elements... if she could live in a barn with crystal chandeliers, she would.

loves shoes, but tends to wear flip flops 24/7

loves bluegrass, motown, red dirt/texas country, & beach music

semi-likes growing a garden.... it's hard work.

loves that her man still opens doors for her

loves country gold saturday nights

likes the idea of fairies, but not aliens.

preferably likes to hear "dinner was good" rather than silence when her cowboy eats the food she cooked.

is not a good cook.

can sing every word to ray stevens' "mississippi squirrel revival"

loves when people adopt a dog rather than buy a pure bred.

loves sunny sweeney.

will choose to read a good book over watching t.v. any day

loves standing in a meadow at dusk, a slow dance in the backyard, and a painted wooden porch swing.

thinks that renee zellweger is a perfect example that if you make a face long enough, it will in fact get stuck like that.

is not a fan of folding fitted sheets, white laundry, and cleaning out the refrigerator

is a big fan of her husband, her family, and her friends.

found ants in the bronco feasting on a bag of candy corn in the glove box that had been there for years, "for emergencies- cause you just never know" - she doesn't know which one she should be more embarrassed about.... the ants in.the.car, or keeping candy corn for emergencies

doesn't like fishing, she likes catching.

loves southern colloquialisms including, but not limited to the following... "haven't seen you in a coon's age"... "knee high to a grasshopper"... "he's nuttier than a squirrel turd" et cetera.

will misspell the words "wednesday, misspell, particularly, guarantee, and conscious" the first time, every time.

can't stand when people misuse, "lose & loose, they're, their, there, and your & you're"

loves a good knee slapper

breaks for cats, dogs, squirrels, and box turtles.

Firefly Nights

2011-08-29T09:54:00.008-04:00

I've been meaning to blog about this for 2 weeks now, but since I've been expecting, I've been a terrible procrastinator.... actually that's a lie. I've always been a procrastinator, but I like this pregnancy thing, cause I can blame EVERYTHING on it! And people just kind of shake their head and say you poor thing, whether they believe me or not. It's great.

Anyway, last weekend, J planned a date night that was a total surprise, and absolutely perfect. We haven't gotten out much lately, because for one, I'm not a whole lot of fun lately, and two, I'm not a whole lot of fun lately. At this point, you could give me the option to a) Fly to New York and go shopping with unlimited credit or b) take a nap, and I can honestly say, I'd probably take the nap. no lie. All I can say, is this baby better be worth it, cause it sure is sucking the life out me. I mean, who would give up a shopping trip to NY to take a siesta? Exactly. (just kidding little baby, i love you to the moon and back, so you just keep on keeping on kid!)

So, anyway, we got all gussied up, and went to dinner at Appalachian Grill so I could stuff my face with a grilled chicken salad that is.to.die.for. and listen to the sweet audio flavors of the Appalachia.

J then drove us up to Barnsley Gardens in Adairsville for their summer Firefly Nights in the Ruins Event that they host several times a summer each year. I'd never heard of it before, but can honestly say I'd recommend to anybody. It was especially nice because it's a no charge event. And that's saying something for a resort like Barnsley. They do getcha on the cost of their specialty drinks though. They have a special cocktail called Firefly of course that I obviously couldn't partake in, but it smelled like a jolly rancher and made my mouth water, and it glowed. Pretty nifty. They have the cocktail and wine bar set up inside the ruins along with a live romantic music singing group who sang all the good beach and motown music that I love. And these folks were on.their.game. They made me want to get up and dance, but I didn't cause nobody wants to see a fat girl dancing around looking like a beachball trying to shag. Plus my feet were swollen and about to blow out the sides of my shoes. But, the urge was definitely there!
They have tables and chairs set out inside the ruins and on the lawn, and garden lights strung everywhere. The evening we went was warm and breezy, and there was not a bug in site. We either got very lucky, or they sprayed the heck out of some skeeter repellent before we got there, cause I didn't get not one bite!

I would say it's adults only event, not that children wouldn't be welcome, but they'd probably be as interested in it, as they would going grocery shopping or getting their teeth cleaned.

We actually met a high school friend of J's there who was with her husband and in-laws, and thoroughly enjoyed their company for the evening. There was also some side show entertainment from a small group of 40 somethings acting like they'd never had a liquor drink before, or been out in public for that matter, that got into a heated exchange on whether the candle holder on their table was called a candelabra or a chandelier.... for the record it was a candelabra, but I didn't have the hankering to put my two cents into that particular conversation, so we just listened to them bicker about it every 30 minutes or so, because for some reason it kept coming back up in their conversation.Just in case you were not aware, when you are not drinking, it's almost painful to listen to a group of drunk people try to have a conversation amongst themselves.

All in all it was a fantastic night, and I stayed out way past my 8:15 bedtime, and wound up missing Sunday School the next morning, but it was a perfect evening with my love under the stars.

P.S.- I don't recall seeing any fireflies, but there was one rather large stinkbug that kept crawling around our table, that's kinda the same thing right?

A Woman Blessed....

2011-07-21T10:52:00.016-04:00

Well, I suppose we've kept the secret long enough, and it's time to tell the world, that Baby Marrow is on schedule to introduce him/herself to us on December 7!!

This is a baby that I've dreamed of and hoped for and prayed for my whole life, and we are simply overjoyed at being blessed and called on by the good Lord to be Baby's mama and daddy.

Although we could have found out if we have a he or she several weeks ago, we've decided to be surprised. We want the moment of excitement of the Doctor holding up our butter bean and telling us to buy baseball cleats or ballet shoes.

I've been getting my online updates weekly to see what type/size fruit our baby is compared to weekly. It's always fun to text J and tell him, "today we have a beet...today we have a bell pepper" and so on and so forth. For the record, this week we have an... heirloom tomato...? I'm supposing those are bigger than normal tomatoes? When we went Friday, we were told Baby is weighing in at 11 oz., and is measuring in right on schedule.

When the tech took the above picture, she accidentally snapped the image while the forehead was in a shadow, so you can't really see it... which I'm okay with. Jas and I both have rather large foreheads, so I know there is no way I'm getting away with delivering a baby without the family trait. Therefore, I'm totally cool with not picturing it for the next 5 months.

This is the only real good "sweet baby" picture we got on ultrasound day. In the rest of them, Baby is staring straight at us, and looks rather alien like. Cute, but strange. Baby also stuck it's tongue out at us once or twice which was sweet, and made a tear or two run down my face.

For the record, this growing a baby deal is harder than it looks. For nearly 2.5 months I was sick as a dog all day... the nausea and chronic fatigue was indescribable. Unless Jason cooked, he ate sandwiches for dinner for nearly the whole time. Thank goodness the extreme mono like symptoms have abated, and I'm only tired now, most of the time instead of all the time. And I like food again. Love food again. My baby bump is sorta spread out all over. Gonna have to reign in the wild feeding frenzies I've allowed myself over the past several weeks, or they may have to lift the roof off the house like in those Jerry Springer episodes to get me to the hospital to deliver.

So there it is. Our happy, exciting, life changing, no longer "we" but 3 news...

I end this post with some of my hopes, wishes & prayers for our little one...

To Baby,

I hope you learn to..... dance in the rain.
I hope you aren't afraid of... taking chances. Even if you fail or are disappointed... never.stop.taking.chances.
I hope you love.... to read.
I hope you appreciate... your elders... those with "been there, done that" knowledge and experience are indispensable to your life.
I hope you get... your daddy's crooked little grin.
I hope you laugh... at yourself.
I hope you embrace... the differences in people.
I hope you ignore... bullies.
I hope you never... lose the ability to believe in magic, miracles, and yourself.
I hope you become... whatever it is you wish to be.
I hope you respect.... the Earth.
I hope you stand up for... yourself, and for others who are unable to stand up for themselves.
I hope you grow.... in the knowledge that you can change the world.
I hope you always...find a reason to smile.
I hope you have...somebody beside you always that reminds you that you are precious, and loved, and cherished.
I hope you don't...worry, your life and everything in it is going to be amazing.
I hope you never forget... that you were, are, and always will be, God's child.

We love you Baby. You have already changed our lives in ways you cannot even imagine.

Love you for always,
Mommy

p.s.- I hope you aren't a picky eater. Even mommy has food I don't like, but if it's set in front of you, you try it anyway.

Day 16: I'm eating junk and watching rubbish! You better come out and stop me!

2011-03-09T10:00:00.025-05:00

Day 16: Something That Stresses You Out

Staying Home Alone.

Okay, to share a bit of an embarrassing side of my personality today, I've finally accepted the fact that the older I get, the more of a scaredy cat I become.

I've always been a bit of a wimp when it comes to staying home alone, but it's gotten progressively worse over the past few years. In college, it didn't bother me much. But it was after I moved back home, met and married Handsome that I have become a full blown, all out pansy when it comes to staying overnight by myself. J tells me about a trip he's going to have to go out of town for, and I turn into a clingy, blubbering, crying, ball of childish emotion. Okay. maybe it's not quite that bad, but it's pretty dern close (J will probably tell you it is that bad.) And then I quickly get on the phone and start calling all my closest family and friends that know I'm a big fat baby, and start scheduling nights that I'm going to borrow their guest room, because I'm a 27 year old, grow woman, who cannot stay home alone without practically peeing in her pants at the thought of it.

We have three dogs, yes. But 2 of them are under 20 pounds, and the big one that's 90 lbs. and would conceivably be the one to "defend our house" is deaf, blind, and dumb and would sooner play handshake with an intruder than bite them in their boy parts and save the day.

We have neighbors, but not the kind that are so close in proximity to us that you could pass a cup of sugar back and forth through the kitchen windows. So there's a good chance, they would be unable to hear me scream.

Plus the house is in the woods. Plus we live right off the highway. Plus we live in America, in the 21st Century, and there are all kind of crazies out there.

We are a household that proudly takes advantage of our Right to Bear Arms. But it's hard to shoot an intruder in the dark. Plus, I'd probably be sleeping when they grab me anyway, so my gun wouldn't be very useful at that point.

I know that this fear is cultivated by the fact that the only shows on t.v. I watch are crime dramas. I'm a big Law & Order (all of them), CSI, and Bones fan. (I also love Jersey Shore... Snookie is a trainwreck, that likes pickles, and bad fake tans, and she cracks.me.up).

I have tried staying home alone. And in fact, have done it on multiple occasions. But, I.don't.sleep. I sit up in bed, with the door barricaded, boobie traps set up, tiki-belle (my 20 lb. dog who has the most ferocious growl of the 3) in my lap, surrounded by various self-defense paraphernalia, (you know numb-chucks, and throwing stars, and all that good stuff), 911 dialed into the phone just waiting on me to hit "send", listening for any noise that means there must be somebody in the house with me. <----Oh good times.

Yes, I'm a big.fat.baby. I'm not proud of it you know. Some people just love being home alone. Nobody to tend to, make meals for, clean up after. Peace, quiet, and solitude. I get it. And I like that too, until the sun goes down.

Have you seen the movie The Strangers? No? Well, let me just tell you. The couple in that movie get tortured and left to die, just...because...they...were...home..... I'M HOME ALL THE TIME. OMG. I feel the hair on my skin standing up as we speak.

Anyway. Today's post is about "something that stresses you out"

Something that stresses me out?

Being home alone. Jason just left for a 5 day fishing trip. perfect.

Day 15: Regrets

2011-03-08T11:59:00.024-05:00

Day 15: Something You Regret

I believe in having no regrets. One of the single most things I pray for is that at the end of my life, I can look back and honestly say that some days were good, some days were bad, some were perfect, some were heartbreaking, some were just so-so and easily forgettable, but not one of them do I regret, not one thing would I go back and change a choice I made for me and my life.

Okay. Having said that I do have to confess that I have a few things in my past that if I could take back I would.

There are people that have passed through my life, that I don't care to see again. There are events and circumstances that have happened that have been unpleasant and sad. But those are things that I wouldn't necessarily take back because they have helped shaped me to be who I am today. They have been the people I have met, things I have done and experienced, and the roads that I have taken that have put me exactly where I am in this moment.
Of course, having the knowledge I have now, there would be a few things I might have nudged in a different direction. There are people I have lost, and circumstances that have happened to loved ones, that I would without a doubt change for them if I could, but choices that I have made?

Things I do regret?

I didn't go on a family trip to Egypt my senior year of college. My grandmother has always had a love for Egyptian history, archeology, and culture (& alcohol, not just Egyptian alcohol, but alcohol in general). She has made several trips to Egypt over the past decade or so, and this last time she offered to take my family. Of course they went. I mean, duh. Yes, they went. But I didn't. I might have blamed it on studying for finals, and having to wrap up and present my senior history thesis. But the real reason I didn't go was I was terrified to fly. I have flown many times in my life. My aunt and uncle lived in San Francisco for years, and we went out there occasionally to visit. I've flown to Washington State, once for a cousin's graduation, and once for a skiing trip. I've flown places on various family vacations. I've flown to Europe TWICE. I mean, I've done it plenty of times. Yet, I was 24 years old, my grandmother offered to take me on a once in a lifetime trip, and I turned it down because I was completely paralyzed with fear of stepping foot on that airplane. This phobia seemed to develop over time, and several years after 9/11. I've never had a flying experience that would cause this intense fear. (Side note... we did miss our flight from New York to Atlanta due to weather, and had a random layover in St. Louis, the plane we hopped back home was basically a tin can with wings. The toilet didn't flush, and the cockpit door was broken, and we couldn't hear ourselves talk over the noise of the engines, but overall it was an okay flight). I'd even flown cross country since the day I my phobia started. This fear is not so much being terrified that an extremist with an ax to grind and a hatred of my country would choose my plane to fly through a building (I mean, that would be terrible), but rather it's a fear that one of the any million little pieces that keep my plane in the air for the required length of time, (as in, until our chosen destination was in site and the landing gear down, and seat backs and tray tables in their upright and locked positions). I have this recurring nightmare that I look out the window, and the wing of the plane has just fallen off, the oxygen masks have just dropped out of the ceiling, I can't get my seatbelt fastened, and we start the spinning downward decent of death, and can do absolutely nothing about it, but scream and really regret taking that specific flight <---nice huh? It's that thought that makes my heart seize up, and my chest get tight, and it's what makes me tell my grandmother over the phone when she offers me an all expenses paid trip to visit the cradle of civilization, "um, yeah... no thanks, but y'all have fun!" She was tentatively planning another trip towards the end of this year, or the beginning of next, but that may be shot due to the fact that the middle east is in complete turmoil, and can't get their acts together. So yeah, I completely hate and regret that I passed on that experience with my family.

Second thing I regret? my tattoo. eeeekkkkk!!! I forget I have it most of the time. Usually, until I see one on somebody else, and I roll my eyes until I remember and think, "who are you to judge? you have the most obvious tattoo, in the most obvious place that any teenage girl, drunk out of her mind, at Panama City Beach has" Yes folks, that's right. I (me!), has a tattoo of a butterfly on my lower back. *hangs my head* I'm so ashamed! Haha. I was young, and dumb, and apparently bored. And for some reason what little bit of creativity (and good judgement) I have was taking a day off, when I looked at my best friend, and said "ya wanna go with me to get a tattoo?" of course she said yes. And so we drove down to Marietta, I walked into the shop and up to the biggest, burliest, tattoo covered man there and said "I want a tattoo, but I don't want it to show, and I want it to be different" <---- butterfly on my lower back. Reeeally unique. Anyway, it's not that I hate tattoos. I'm just not a permanent ink drawing, faddish kind of girl, and yet here I am with one and it's forever....Oh the irony! The thing is, I don't even regret getting it. I just really regret where it is, and what it is. If I was going to get one, it should have meant something. It should have been personal. And it wasn't/isn't. Oh well, not much to be done about it now. At least, it may help me relate to my future kids better if one of them goes off their rocker a little bit. Never tried drugs, never been a boozer, don't listen to grudge metal bands, don't wear emo clothing, don't cheat or steel, but hey! mommy's got a tattoo, so she is totally relate-able! *wink*

Thirdly? I totally regret eating those two rows of samoas girl scout cookies I just scarfed down.

xoxo,
asm

Day 14: The Saddest Place on Earth

2011-03-07T11:32:00.012-05:00

Day 14: A Place You've Traveled To

The summer between my junior and senior year of high school, I was fortunate enough to be able to go to Europe for a second time. This time, we traveled to Italy (my favorite), Austria, and Germany. The first time I went to Italy, our travels included Rome and it's surrounding suburbs, Florence, and up into the Tuscan countryside... on a side note....it was there in the little town of Montecatini, that I had my first taste of socialized medicine, when I developed a horrible skin rash due to a knee brace I had been wearing over my linen pants (the knee brace was from a 4 wheeling accident I had been involved in 2 weeks before my Europe trip!). And I had to go into the city to the local hospital, have x-rays, antibiotics, blood cultures (the doctor was worried I had developed a blood infection), and then sent to the local spa for a short round of physical and warm water therapy. The spa trip was quite the foray. There I was sitting in a hot tub wearing a swim cap (it was required, trust me, I wasn't wearing that sucker for it's stylish charm ), surrounded by pleasantly plump, older Italian women. Who chattered non-stop, and kept looking at me, to see if I agreed with whatever they were talking about. Thankfully, smiling and nodding in feigned agreement is generally, universally understood regardless of one's mother tongue. Anyway, it was quite the experience. One of which my parents paid less than $50 for, in the form of a new leg brace that could be worn under my linen pants, and a tube of cream, whose name, ingredients, and instructions were in Italian, and therefore I had no idea what it's purpose was. But the pharmacist made a rubbing motion with his hand hovered over my knee, so I got the point of what I was to do with it. These were purchased over the county at a small pharmacy. Everything else was..."free." I didn't have a long wait, the doctors I saw were very thorough. They called my parents to update them, and check on me. All in all, a much more pleasant experience than I have ever received at any hospital here in the States. I'm not saying socialized medicine is perfect or the answer to the problems in today's US healthcare crisis. I'm not educated enough on the subject to have a very valid opinion, but I will say the experience was very interesting.
Wow. I got a little off topic here. So, where were we? My first trip to Europe was amazing, and fun (this was the trip that included the gypsies). But it was the second trip where we visited Venice, that I lost my heart to. I'll talk more about Venice later.

The point of this blog is to tell about the place I visited on that trip, that invaded my soul, and has lingered ever since.

Auschwitz II-Birkenau

It is entirely strange that the two words that I would use to describe the atmosphere at that Holocaust death camp on that day, would be, both peaceful, and haunting. It is estimated that anywhere from 700,000 to 1 million, men, women, and children walked through the gates of that camp, to their ultimate deaths. My mind cannot comprehend that. I can sit here and type out those numbers, and not truly understand what that means. My husband. My mother. My father. My brother. My friends. Everybody I love. Myself. If we had happened to have been there, under those circumstances. The odds are, we would be dead. We would be there as each of us were divided into categories, and separated. More than likely, my parents at the age they are would have been sent straight to the gas chambers. My husband and my brother would be sent to work digging ditches for their bodies, or for their ashes. And me? what would I be doing? Would I have been worth anything to keep alive for a bit longer, to waste away until I was nothing but skin and bones, or would I have been taken to the "showers" and done away with as well?
In the cruelest sense that is hard to write, it's hard to read, it's hard to think of. So, we don't think of it. And maybe it's because we can't, maybe we can't think of and reflect on things like genocide because it's simply too hard to comprehend without going a little insane at the basic, primordial evilness of it. But it is important to remember. It's important to reflect on what damage and devastation, pure hatred, nonacceptance, and corrupt and evil power can do. Because it could happen again. It does happen. That was somebody's husband, somebody's parents, somebody's brother... and friends and loved ones. Somebody's.

Peace. That's a hippie word right? Tree huggers, and vegans, and liberals, and people who home school their kids, and push coexistence, peace is their word right? wrong. peace is something that every human being on every inch of this Earth should strive for, and be accountable for. Don't get me wrong. I'm a big believer in the Second Amendment. I support our troops. I sing the national anthem with abandon. I'm conservative in many of my beliefs. But I also pray from the bottom of my heart that my children would be able to grow up in the world where madness, and violence, and hate, and dominating power were not the driving forces of so much in this world. The Holocaust is the prime example of what can happen when these things are left unchecked, and when peace is not looked to as the answer.

We walked around the grounds that day for hours taking pictures, and reading plaques and monuments. We went into the memorial museum, and looked at the pictures that were blown up to poster size so the viewer could see the look of desperation on the faces of the men and women standing behind the razor wire fences... there were no children....But more times than not, it wasn't desperation in their faces, it was a vacancy. A total lack of life and energy. And doesn't that make perfect sense?

There was a reverent quite there that day. There were little groups of tourist here and there, from every walk of life, from every different country, speaking different languages, and yet we all wore the same mantel of grief for those who did not get to get back on a bus at the end of the day, and drive back out of the gate, and continue on with their lives. There were birds chirping, and singing, and squirrels that ran this way and that, and there was a peaceful calm that seemed somewhat ironic and out of sorts for the magnitude of what took place there 60 some odd years ago. Yes, it was peaceful. And calm, and haunting, and breathtakingly sad.

Well, now I'm depressed. Sorry if you are too. I didn't intend this post to be so dark and gloomy, but once I started thinking about it, and remembering. It just naturally took me there.

Are people really good at heart? I'd like to think so. I hope so. I pray it's so.

Day ? : I Believe

2011-03-01T10:06:00.005-05:00

I have absolutely no idea what day this is....

I believe in God, in Jesus. I believe that there is no more special and magnificent gift than the gift of forgiveness and eternal life. And if you don’t know Him yet, just know that He is waiting for you. He is right beside you. You are n.e.v.e.r. alone. He was, He is, He always will be.

I believe in sunrises and sunsets.

I believe that you can always spot a person who likes to drama and gossip because they will always be the first to say how much they hate drama and gossip. I believe the truth is, they only hate it when people talk about them, but they love talking about other people.

I believe the world has enough hate, but not enough love.

I believe that we are only given one life... and if you don't live it to the best of your ability than you have no one to blame but yourself.

I believe that people can want to change for the good, but sometimes they just choose not to. I believe that is unfortunate.

I believe that being angry at somebody only hurts your own heart.

I believe in happy endings.

I believe there is nothing sweeter than a baby's smile.

I believe that no matter where you are, just before the sun goes down, the world is never more beautiful.

I believe sometimes you have to call a spade a spade, (quit trying to make it more than it is.)

I believe that dogs really are man's best friend.

I believe that more people should quit complaining, and actually do.

I believe that being politically correct is overrated.
That being said, I believe more people need to open their hearts and quit being so judgmental.

I believe in Karma. What you do, will come back on you. Good or bad.

I believe people don't give more, because they think "well, what can my dollar do?" If we all just gave anyway, what couldn't it do?

I believe in the power and majesty of the Great Outdoors. get out in it.

I believe I live in the greatest country in the world. I also believe that that goes to "our" heads sometimes.

I believe you have to stand for something, or you will be led around and told what to do your whole life.

I believe that people who abuse animals, children, and the elderly should be taken out back with a shotgun and a shovel, and done away with. (I don't know if I mean that literally, but maybe I do)

I believe good health is worth more than wealth.

I believe reducing, reusing, and recycling is way underrated.

I believe social networking is just another way for nosy people to be nosier. (myself included).

I believe God gave us the ability to laugh and the ability to cry, for the same reason. Release. And to laugh so hard you cry is the best feeling in the world.

I believe in make-believe.

I believe in having no regrets.

I believe that when life throws a stick in the spokes, the only thing you can do is abandon the bicycle, and keep moving forward on your own two feet.

I believe that caring too much about what other people think of you will only hold you back.

I believe in the question "Why?"

I believe that regardless of how much you love, marriage takes work.

I believe in naps. (like, big time believe)

I believe in the power of words and positive thinking.

I believe in taking responsibility for your own actions, and teaching your children to do the same.

I believe in Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness.

I believe in saying you're sorry...and meaning it.

I believe in self-confidence, but more in humility.

I believe in peace, tolerance, and turning the other cheek.

I believe in the restorative nature of a hot bath and good book.

I believe in seizing the day.

xoxo,
asm

Day 12: "Two Thumbs Up!"

2011-02-18T12:41:00.032-05:00

Day 12: Favorite Movies

Australia- There was so much going on for the first 5 minutes of the movie it made my head spin, but once it settled in, and the story started to unfold, I was captivated. I love the Australian slang/colloquialism that peppers the movie. Also, I want to take Nullah home with me.

Legends of the Fall - I love the cinematography of this movie, the setting (Montana has my heart, it just doesn't know it yet), and the plot. If Gone With the Wind was a Western, this would be it.

August Rush- A movie about an elf-like orphan musical prodigy "calling" to his birth parents with his guitar? um, yes please. Heartwarming and sappy. I love it.

The Sandlot- Nostalgic. Host to one of the greatest movie quotes of all time, "you're killing me smalls"

Practical Magic - that house.

Son In Law- One of the only movies I will watch when it plays on cable.

8 Seconds- I have a thing for cowboys, and wranglers, and good manners.

Cold Mountain- another epic, drama filled movie that I am in love with. However. Renee Zellweger. I cringed every time she opened her mouth. A British native (Jude Law) pulled off a stronger and more believable southern accent than Texas born and bred Renee did. Love the soundtrack.

The Goonies- because Goonies never say die! Duh.

Fried Green Tomatoes- Female empowerment without all the bra burning. Thelma & Louise set in the Depression era south without the ultimate plunge over the ravine. Feel good with a gritty edge. Southern. Honey bees. Kathy Bates. BBQ.

Steel Magnolias- I've heard the dialogue in this movie described as "each of the women talk like they're reading a bumper sticker."...I'll take one of each. I laugh and cry every.time. I watch this movie.

Little Women- It brought Louisa May Alcott's story to life for me. Beautiful film-making.

The Shawshank Redemption- Morality. Camaraderie. Redemption. Morgan. Freeman.

Forest Gump- There's a reason this is one of the most successful movies ever made. As "comforting as an afternoon nap, but also as refreshing."

Pretty Woman- A modern day Cinderella? He pays her $3000 and they fall in love... Hollywood. But I still love it. Her laugh when Richard Gere closes the jewel box on her hand, makes me giggle every time. And when she tells the snotty sales lady she "has to go shopping now".... favorite part.

Almost Famous- anybody with a love affair with music gets.this. movie.

Amelia- adorable. charming. french.

The Sound of Music- it's a musical. meaning they sing their dialogue. I think we should do this in real life. I think somebody telling you ...♫ you're a jerk, and your feet smell♪..., set to a tune is easier to take than somebody just saying it out right. anyway. I can quote every line and every song of this movie. It's the one musical that I can honestly say I love. I loved it so much that I went on a Sound of Music tour in Austria, and liked it.

Love Actually- romantic. entertaining. fun. british accents. Only problem? I could never watch it with my parents. if you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about.

Pride & Prejudice- lovely. in every sense of the word.

The Boondock Saints- a moral black hole, but it definitely taps into a secret desire for vigilantism.

Superbad- another one I can't watch with my parents. but.i.crack.up.

Euro Trip- funnier than it should be.

The Holiday- a little predictable, but overall one of my favorites.

Beauty and the Beast- talking/singing/dancing household wares. princess dresses. happy ending. classic Disney. favorite.

Chocolat- fabulous. teaches about tolerance and forgiveness. and how chocolate can cure all ills <---- I get it.

I'm sure there are more, but that's all I can come up with at the moment.

What are some of your favorites?

Day 11: Bag Lady

2011-02-17T09:20:00.016-05:00

Day 11: What's In Your Purse

The more appropriate question here would be what's not?
I think I might have been a squirrel in my past life, because I don't like to throw anything away. I'm not a hoarder.....yet. Handsome says I'm toeing the line. BUT I hereby solemnly swear you will never find any dead cats that are so paper thin they make a crinkling noise and you can see through them, in my purse, or my possession for that matter (poor kitties).

This is not my purse. I wish it was though.

I'd also like to call this little sweet gem mine as well....

and, this one....

okay, I could do this all day. moving on.

I just dumped my purse out on my desk.... Good.Lord. I was even a little bit taken back by the amount of stuff in there... and that's hard to do.

*3 tubes of lip gloss....all pink
*86¢ (that's enough to make a phone call right?)
*2 Matchbooks from Canoe (where we went to eat for Valentine's Day)
*1 Comb
*1 Makeup bag (with it's own set of clutter problems)
*4 Packets of Twinings of London English Breakfast Tea (I love my hot tea!)
*1 Set of Keys... ah! that makes me feel better, at least I didn't lock them in the car. I was a little worried about that.
*1 Wallet with 500 receipts sticking out of either side.
*1 Small bottle of hand lotion in my signature scent...BVLGARI Eau Parfumée au thé blanc
*Enough paint swatches, in a multitude of colors, to tape over all the yellow in my kitchen.
*A print out of the haircut that I want (that I still have not made an appointment for)
*17 Napkins (if you feel the need to wipe your hands or blow your nose throughout the day, feel free to ask for one... I obviously have plenty)
*1 News bulletin from the church we visited this past Sunday... actually I have 2 of these. Must have grabbed J's and stuffed his in there too.
*1 Mini Snickers wrapper sans the Snickers
*1 Bottle of hand sanitizer
*3 paper clips
*All 3 of my dogs rabies tags that I keep meaning to put on their collars... I honestly don't have a clue why or how they wound up in my bag, but it totally explains the jingling noise I've heard emanating from my purse every time I pick it up lately.
*1 sticky note with the word call underlined and exclamated, but no further information than that. It's in my handwriting so it had to have been me who wrote it. Preetty sure whoever I was supposed to call never heard from me... hope they're not mad!
*1 USB cord for my camera

It seems my memory is going, since a lot of this stuff is not ringing any bells on how it actually wound up in my bag... rabies tags, sticky note, cord.... no clue.

*1 Roll of tape in it's dispenser. We're talking the large, office desktop size dispenser. I was posting up Missing Dog fliers in my neighborhood, and obviously thought my bag was the perfect place to put the tape when I was finished with it.
*3 Missing Dog fliers. I ran out of signs in the neighborhood to post them to. (These are not for me, all our dogs are present and accounted for... a lady in the neighborhood down the road from us is missing her pup)
*And last but not least, a pair of pearl earrings that I thought I had lost.... so that's where they've been this whole time!

Moral of this story? If I have misplaced something, the first place I should look is inside my purse.

xoxo,
asm

Day 10: Bee Charmer

2011-02-15T10:46:00.057-05:00

Day 10: Goals

I'm glad nobody is holding me to this "30 Days" thing, cause I'd be in some kind of trouble if they were.

This is going to be more like a bucket list rather than simply goals....

I have a ton of things I want to accomplish in my life before the good Lord calls me home.
As a Christian, my greatest wish should be to be sitting at the feet of our everlasting Father, surrounded by His heavenly saints and angels.... and that is of course, my ultimate "goal," but I'm just selfish, and human enough to want to be there, after a full, happy, life well-lived. But who knows really what that means anyway? If I am called home today, I would be okay with that too.... I believe the choices I have made for my life have put me right where I'm meant to be... and knowing and accepting that, is a life well lived in my book.

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1. Become a mother... and watch my children grow, prosper, be happy, accept & know our God all their lives. This is a two birds with one stone kinda thing, because I want to give my husband children and my parents grandchildren!

2. A friend recently told me that one of the prayers for her life would be to have a glimpse of Heaven, but without all the scary stuff that usually accompanies those types of experiences. I feel that some days, I have seen glimpses of Heaven. When I see striking, color filled sunset, or sunrise. When I have had a good, long, soul cleansing cry and prayer time and my soul just feels so fresh and so clean... but I know what she means. A truly awe-inspiring, miraculous glimpse of where God lives outside my heart. Paradise. Yeah, I'd like to see that too.... ("glimpse" is the key word here... for those of you not listening! ;-)

3. I'd love to find my true niche in life. What am I supposed to be doing?? Am I doing it, but don't even realize it? I am thankful for each and every blessing in my life. Again, I believe that any choice I have made in the past has been utilized by God to put me right where I am supposed to be, and even if I am discontented in a current position, I am there for.a.reason. But I'd love to wake up one morning, and just have the satisfaction of loving where I am in my life. This really pertains to my job folks, I am truly happy in every other aspect.

3. That being said... I would love to be a children's photographer... But I am having to teach myself everything... and it can be overwhelming and daunting, most of the time. Also, everybody out there with a digital camera is a "photographer" these days, and that is intimidating also. How do I break through that and establish myself in a flooded market when I'm not all that much better (yet!!!) than the competition? It's nerve wracking sometimes.

4. Also, I've always had an obsession with pretty papers... stationary, note cards, sticky note pads... If it's pretty, i love it. I have kept literally every card, invitation, and thank you note I have ever received. I would love to design a set of paper products fashioned with vintage and eclectic graphics. I have several that I have put together... but am really too nervous to show anybody. Also, I don't know where to start finding a printing source in order to produce my products that is not so expensive I price myself out of the market I'm going for. The goal here? Design, produce, and effectively market a suit of paper products that reflect my love of color and vintage design.

5. Carry my dog Mr. Butler around in my purse on Rodeo Dr. like I'm somebody (and have him Not poop in it)

6. GET OUR HOUSE TO REFLECT WHO WE ARE AS A COUPLE. Before I'm dead or so old and crotchety I can no longer hold a paint brush. This is a biggie, and probably the easiest of my goals in terms of labor and actual method. However, I cannot seem to pin down the exact look I am going for in terms of color. Some days I'd love to paint everything turquoise and chartreuse, and other days I want everything white and creams... finding a balance between these, and making sure Handsome can live there happily too? That is a biggie.

7. A garden. I want one. Why? “Because that's what Southern women do – we wear funny looking hats and grow things in the dirt" Favorite move line e.v.e.r I also love the idea of producing and eating my own food. I think this day in age, people depend too much on things other than themselves... And while I don't plan on making my own clothes, and start walking everywhere, gardening is great way to really take pride in the accomplishment of something you've done. I'd love to eventually have a green house, but I'll settle for a patch of earth that will grow tomatoes, squash, and beans. I'm starting my seedlings tomorrow, and hopefully this weekend, Handsome and I can get outside with the tractor and start tilling up our packed down red, Georgia clay, and start preparing the ground for growth. Will definitely be blogging about that adventure!

8. Become a Bee Charmer. I have had a private, life long obsession with bees, Honeybees to be exact. Although I don't like when they fly so close to my face that I can see my reflection their eyeballs, I'm not one to freak out and start swatting at them when they buzz by for a closer look. I would love to have a set of hives and cultivate the honey. Besides Ouiser Boudreaux in Steel Magnolias, one of my other favorite characters is Idgie Threadgoode the tom boy, free-spiritited, bee charmer in Fried Green Tomatoes.

9. Travel. I want to travel with my husband, and experience worlds outside our own existence. I am incredibly lucky to have been able to travel way past the county line before I was 20 years old. I've been all over the United States, and have been to the Bahamas, France, Spain, Italy, Austria, and Germany. I've seen other cultures, ways of life, ideas, values, and customs. I've seen sunrises and sunsets over places other than Emerson, Georgia. I have breathed in the air, swam in the waters, eaten and drunk things that are different from what I've always known. I haven't stayed at these places long, but long enough to see and appreciate that there is a great wide world out there... and I want more of it.

10. Lead at least one person to Christ. I don't necessarily feel that entails knocking on people's doors, or "preaching" to people about how they are not living a Godly life and are bound for Hell... I mean, maybe that's what it takes sometimes, but that has often turned me off in the past. I want to live a life that is for Christ, that is open to Him, and one where He can use me so that others may know of His goodness and glory. I want to be a light in the world.

11. I want to learn how to sew. Although I don't have the time it takes to sew my own clothes, I'd love to know how to do it. Sometimes I go shopping with a particular clothing item in mind, I can either a) never find anything close to it or b) it never look exactly like what I want it to. It'd would be so awesome if I could just go home and "whip a little something together." So when people ask about it, I could say, "what? this old thing?" haha. just kidding... maybe.

12. Learn to dance. Not the stuff people call "dancing" these days. That stuff is generally vulgar and disgusting. And if you turned the music off, you would really look extremely ridiculous. I want to learn how to ballroom dance, and salsa dance. Those types of dancing are beautiful. You could turn the music off, and still be moved by it.

13. Take up a ballet class as a form of exercise, poise, agility, and strength training. Somebody in C'ville should start an exercise ballet class.

14. Learn to speak another language fluently. I was almost there in college... had I pursued it and used it a bit more, I could probably be pretty dern good at Italian by now. But you don't use it, you lose it, and that's the case with il mio utilizzo italiana (my Italian usage). Would love to get it back.

15. Recycle more. We only have one life to live. And until they set up condos on Mars, we also have only one Place to live. Gotta take care of what we have been entrusted with.

16. Learn to be more forgiving and less sensitive.

17. Take a survival course that teaches you how to live off the land, (with the less is more approach), and be more aware of your surroundings. At some point in my life, I would like to take this a step further, and "live off the grid" for a time. The wilds of Montana has been calling our names for awhile now...

18. I know that true peace will never happen on Earth. The majority of humans don't truly understand or accept the concept of peace... they (we?) are too selfish for that... but I would love to live long enough to see some sort of peace in the world.

19. Be involved in a mission. I would love to bring the Gospel to a foreign soil, but hope to be at peace with it, if God decides to use me in my own community.

20. Dry our sheets and clothes on a clothesline in my backyard. Silly? maybe. Something I've always wanted to do? yes. May have to get Jason to string that line up this weekend....

21. Buy some Tom's Shoes. I think they are pretty much ugly as a mud fence, but I get a new pair of footwear, and so does someone else in the world. Win!

22. Be debt free at an early age. J and I are pretty economical with our money. We still enjoy our lives and doing things, but we aren't a slave to our possessions. We don't have credit card debt, we are making plans to lower our car payment, and we are putting more than the average into our 401k. Would love to be able to buy/pay off the house, and become truly debt free before age 40.... we'll see.

23. Get a new hair cut. This seems like a silly goal, but I have been growing my hair out for about 2 years now. Always with the intention of cutting and donating it in honor of my mom's battle with cancer. I just haven't done it yet. And although I'm grateful for my hair.... it is driving me crazy. It's everywhere. It gets wrapped around my face when I sleep; It gets wrapped around J's face when he sleeps. I wake up half suffocated with it tied around my neck. I.can't.take.it.anymore. Making that appointment today....

24. Learn to cook... and like it. I am not a cook. It doesn't come naturally at all. And when I've tried to "wing it" in the past, and just throw in a dash of this and that, it came off completely inedible. On a good day, I'll only scrape half the food off of J's plate.... on the bad days, the dogs won't even eat it.

25. Become less of a homebody. I like being at home. I really and truly do. I like moving from my bed, to the couch, to the chair on the deck, back to the couch, to my bed. I'm the friend my friends always rolled their eyes at, and complained I was such a bore. Don't get me wrong, I love to go out with friends, and have drinks, and a good time, but I also like to be at home in my pj's by 10:30... I would like to do less of that, maybe... and enjoy being OUT more.

26. Go on a cross country road trip. I did this once with my best friend. It was the summer between 7th and 8th grade. We road out with her dad, and sister and her friend to California to pick up a horse. We spent the majority of the road trip hanging out in the living quarters of the horse trailer, which was probably illegal, and more than slightly dangerous, but I think her dad could only take so much of "are we there yet" from 4 tweens. Watching the world go by from the bunkhouse of the trailer, we saw way more of where we had been than where we were going. Would love to do that again. But not in a horse trailer, but definitely with my best friend!

27. Make my mark on the world. This is a biggie, and I have absolutely no idea how I will accomplish this one. Or even if I will. I think people's obsession with the rich, and famous, is not so much the rich part, but the famous part. And what that really means. It means they won't be forgotten. It means they made a mark. However good or infamous one is, if they are known throughout the world, they will continue to be known throughout the world. I think I have a fear of being forgotten when I am gone. That's a big thing for me to admit. But there it is.

28. Help the homeless in my community. Every time I see somebody wrapped up in crusty, dirty, old blankets under random bridges, my eyes well up with tears and I feel incredibly guilty about my life. I will almost always give extra cash or change I have to a begger on the street. I don't have any problems with that. Some people say I shouldn't do that because they will just go buy drugs or booze with it, but my thinking is, I give with an open heart, what they do with the money is between them and God. I heard from a friend about a woman who puts together little "hygiene pack" for the homeless and she carries a few with them in her car all the time. They contain socks, a toothbrush, toothpaste, a bottle of water, travel aspirin, washcloth, bar of soap, vitamin c tablets, hand sanitizer, comb, rubber bands, high protein bars, a pack of cards, a few pieces of paper for letters, and stamped envelopes, and a $5 bill. These would cost a little bit of money to get together, but I could only imagine how grateful I would be if I received one of these little packs if I had nowhere to go, and most people passed me on by without so much as a second glance, much less a little bit of help, and room in their prayers at night.

29. Surprise my parents with a ____? I have no idea. Something fun and unexpected. Gotta think about that one!

30. Surprise my Husband with a bright red Dump truck with chrome side panels. On our first day and from time to time in between, he's told me he's always wanted a dump truck to drive around... must be the little kid in him? I'd like to get him one.

31. Become an aunt to my brother's kids. He's 21, not married, no girlfriend, and totally living the life of a 21 year old boy. That's okay. I want him to. But I also want him to marry a nice, sweet girl, who adores and loves him, from a good family, who will give me nieces and nephew to love and spoil.

32. Have a small retreat somewhere in the mountains. (Must include a bubbling brook.)

33. See in concert, the following, not necessarily together (but that would be so cool), Bob Seger, Elton John, and Van Morrison, before they die.

34. Be a grandma... so I can love 'em up, feed them tons of crap that's bad for their teeth and their energy level, and then send them home to their parents.

35. Stand inside of a Redwood tree before they are gone. I'm pretty sure I've done this with my parents when I was a kid, but I'd like to do it again, and remember it.

36. Buy back the family property in Brunswick that has our Family cemetery on it, then rebuild the house for reunions and getaways.

37. Learn about my dad's family. We have literally overload information on my mom's side, but I know very little about my dad's people. Knowing "where" and "who" I came from is very important to me.

38. Get our sailboat Cirrus in the water, and sail her to Margaritaville.

39. Do something completely out of character, and maybe even illegal (eeek!!), like I don't know... wipe my muddy feet on the carpet in the oval office, spitting out my gum to where Queen Elizabeth walks on it and it gets stuck to her shoe, cheat on my taxes (but not get caught!), You know... stick it to tha' man! actually... I'm feel a panic attack coming on just thinking about these things... nevermind.

40. Go camping in every State park in Georgia, and then move on from there...

41. Raise our children in the same house and on the same land where my brother and I were raised. It's perfect for children. It's safe, secluded, and full of sweet memories. Memories from my childhood, and memories that my husband and I are creating there now. I hope and PRAY that it's in God's plans for us.

42. Eat more fiber.

43. Learn to be happy in the moment. I love plans. I love planning things, and the excitement that builds up to the next occasion. I often find myself saying, "I can't wait till Saturday" or "I can't wait till 5 o'clock" (okay, I will probably always want it to be 5 o'clock!), or "I can't wait till _____" <--- fill in the blank with any of the possible millions of things that I find myself wishing away time for. I want to learn to revel in the moment, to leave the excitement of tomorrow in tomorrow... and be excited for the today. To not wish my time away to hurry up to the next big event in my life, but to really and truly love the here and now. Okay, I could go on and on, but my eyes are starting to cross, and I'm getting a headache from thinking about this. In case you didn't deduce this for yourself, I have A LOT I want to do in my life, with my life. But I am grateful for each and every breath I have been given, and will count myself extremely lucky and blessed for each and every breath I will be given.

xoxo,
asm

ps- If you hear of some tour where Van, Elton, & Bob are going to be performing live, in concert, & together! buy me a ticket... I'll pay you back. fo' rillz.

Day 9: Mom & Dad

2011-02-10T11:14:00.000-05:00

Day 9: Your Parents

"Let's raise children who won't have to recover from their childhood." - Pam Leo

Where do I start?

God, in all His infinite wisdom, gifted me with an incredible set of parents. One of my greatest wishes is that one day, Jason and I can be at least half the parents to our children as mine were and continue to be to me.
Throughout my life they have been a constant source of strength and encouragement. They've seen me at my absolute worst, and still managed to love me unconditionally.
I have seen them happy, sad, frustrated, uplifted, disappointed, and proud. I have seen them struggle, and overcome, and every other condition in between. Along with my brother, there are few memories from my past that do not include them in it.

When I think of somebody who is infinitely kind spirited, compassionate, and charitable, my mom immediately comes to my mind. And I daily try to love, honor, and trust the Lord in the complete, and unassuming way she does. Trusting His plans for her life, seems to be an unquestionable trait of hers, and it is one that I struggle with. She gives monetary, and material gifts with an open heart, even at times when a more economical person would not, with the full faith that God will provide her and my dad with assistance in others ways and other times. He always has.
She has cool hands, that are soft like butter. And she hums gospel songs, when she vacuums, and on long car rides, and when she cooks. She does it a lot. She is a cancer survivor, and my greatest inspiration on how to handle trials and tribulations in my own life. When going through treatment, she had my dad shave her head, and she never wore a wig. She's not perfect (I did get my temper from her), but she is perfectly beautiful in spirit, and presence. Her battle with cancer opened my eyes to the fragility of the human life. The experience we had, has definitely helped me to better appreciate, the weight of each moment, of each breath I take, and the time I spend with those that possess my heart.

My daddy, he was the first man in my life, and the one that I measure all others against. (I am so very lucky that God blessed me with a husband that has so many traits that I need and desire from the love of my life.) He is strong, and resolute, he is honorable in the purest sense, uncompromising, and loyal. He can literally do anything with his hands it seems. He's a McGuyver for sure. I've never seen anything broken that he can't fix. They definitely don't make them like him anymore. I never knew what a maintenance man, plumber, or electrician looked like till I went to college. Actually, I did... he was daddy. He can do it all.
I used to dance on his feet. He would throw me up and catch me, and I felt like I could fly to the moon. I don't think I can go to the moon anymore, but he still thinks I can.
Again, he's not perfect, (and boy have I heard some stories about the younger him!!), but he has taught me so much over my life... not the least of which to check my oil once a week...(it's the life on the engine! and hey, the Bronco is still rocking right along). He is a good man. The best kind of man. And he's my daddy.

I have my mamas flash-pan quick temper, that sometimes explodes at the most inopportune moments, (I also like to be right...all the time), and I can be pretty set in my ways like my daddy, but I like to think the good, important, positive aspects of my character are from the greatest role models in my life.

Because they have made such a huge impression on me, I sometimes have a hard time separating myself from their lead, and feeling a need to check with them before making many decisions in my life. But one thing that my mom has constantly said throughout my life is that, she will know she and dad did good, if my brother and I can go out in the world, on our own, set our own goals, and succeed. With my husband's help, I'm working on it.

This is mama around age 7.

This is mama at 18... she looks like a movie star.

This is my daddy around age 6... isn't he cute?

About the same age.... I just love this one.

Wedding Day, I think this might have been the second one? The first one they were married by a blind judge at the courthouse... they had a ceremony later for family and close friends.

my wedding day.... (the only one!)

There's no denying I'm my dad's kid!

I'm a lucky girl. I don't have to recover from my childhood.

xoxo,
asm

Day 8: Message In A Bottle

2011-02-09T15:08:00.000-05:00

Day 8: Something You've Done That Sets You Apart

Well, I didn't really know what to write about when I got to this topic, so since I've been meaning to blog about it for awhile now, I decided to talk about something Jason and I did during our wedding that was a little different than the norm.

Jason and I got married October 10, 2009 in the backyard of a home on Hampton Point, St. Simons Island. I've always known that I would marry my husband on St. Simons, a place that is as dear to me as my own childhood home. Calling it my "second home" doesn't really do it justice. It's where the other half of my soul resides. When J and I began actually planning our wedding, friends and family assumed it would be a beach wedding, since we were ~~dragging~~ kindly asking them to travel 5.5 hours south to attend a wedding in the backyard? But it was the marshes, and the Spanish moss, and the shadows and light that I was after to be the backdrop and setting of my fairytale wedding.

If you've been there, you know that the Golden Isles are not your typical paradise of white sandy beaches and crystal clear blue water... truthfully it's gray sand, and muted, opaque sometimes green, sometimes not, always brackish waters... and it's absolutely, captivatingly, beautiful. So we planned an October wedding, in the backyard of a friends home (we could have fit maybe us and the preacher in mama & daddy's backyard), and it poured down rain 10 minutes before the music was to start, and stopped just as Jason was walking his handsome self to the end of the aisle, (can I get an AMEN!), leaving a rainbow and crystal drops of sweet southern raindrops on the leaves. It was a rather warm evening, but very few bugs (another Hallelujah here!), and because of the short shower, everything was a little "dewy" but the day was absolutely, perfectly wonderful.
I always love anything unique, different, fanciful, etc..., that being said, I knew I didn't want us to do the traditional unity candle, because they never seem to stay lit during an outside ceremony, or unity sand because I felt that was too predictable (no offense to anybody who does that at all! i think it's a wonderful memento/keepsake), and I just knew I wanted to do something whimsical and unconventional. I thought how fun it would be to really take advantage of the island/ocean setting by incorporating a message in a bottle as the "unity" aspect of our service ... so I told J about it, and surprisingly he went right along with it (I often come to him with off the wall suggestions/opinions on things, so I was expecting the look, thankfully he's super patient with his wife...that'd be me, and he really got into this idea of mine....now if I can just get him to agree to a pink refrigerator!).

So, basically, we wrote love letters to each other that neither one of us had read. We put them in a heart shaped glass bottle my mother gave us. She got it years ago, and kept it because she'd loved the shape. It couldn't have been any more perfect... I suppose it was serendipity that had made her hold on to it for so long. So J and I put in our letters, along with a letter to the finder, a self-addressed envelope, and an albino peacock feather that had been in my bouquet and J's boutonniere.

After the wedding we sealed that puppy up, waited for an outgoing tide, and threw her into the great, wide-open ocean off Gould's Inlet.

I'm pretty sure the thing probably sunk like a rock the second we turned out backs on it. But maybe it's still on it's way to China (or maybe it's caught up in one of those floating junkyards in the middle of the Atlantic that Greenpeace is always yapping about). Who knows. We will probably never see it again, but I think the mystery of where it winds up is part of the fun in it.

This is the letter we included in the bottle,

I have really, (like whoa!) terrible handwriting... and I apparently can't write a straight line. don't judge.

This is us putting our love letters in the bottle....

This is the bottle.... we realized after we did it that it looks like a seagull did his business all over it, but whatev. We poured enough wax over that cork to make multiple candles, we didn't want that cork going a.n.y.w.h.e.r.e. (it probably popped of the second it hit the water).

And this... this is a little something I put together for your viewing pleasure. Be forewarned, I, nor J has any experience in cinematography. what.so.ever.... as is blatantly evident by how choppy, bouncy, poorly focused, and overall inferior quality it is.... but, I LOVE it!
ps- if you decide to watch it, i suggest you scroll to the bottom of the post and pause my "blogger tunes" first, or it might give you a headache!

xoxo,
asm

Day 7: Let Your Soul Shine

2011-02-08T11:46:00.000-05:00

Bet you thought I'd forgotten about my blog didn't you? Well, never fear, I am back to bore you with more inconsequential details about me and my life...

Thursday Handsome and I bid adieu to the farm, left the kitty cats to fend for themselves, and took a much needed mini-vacation to St. Simons to visit my family. (I miss them. All the time.) I hesitated to leave the purr babies for so long to fend for themselves in the wilderness, but J said they have their claws for battle, should the need arise, and I also saw it as a good opportunity for Petra to realize how important a person I really am in her life, and thought it may make her appreciate me more after my return. It didn't. Once we came home, and settled in, she preceded to jump up on the couch, walk right across me, and curl up in the crook of J's arm. No loyalty that one.

Our trip....we did a lot of laying around, reading (me), playing online poker (J), and eating. I ate a whole pack of Oreo's on Friday. by.myself. And they were double stuffed, meaning I really ate TWO packages of Oreo's on Friday. by.myself. Yikes. I had to lay flat on the bed this morning to get my jeans zipped. Nice image huh? Anyway... it rained. A lot. But we got to spend some good quality time ~~walking the dogs, cleaning up after the dogs, running after the dogs when they ran off~~ with my family. I miss them. All the time.

J and I also took a couple of poles and wet a hook for a little bit. We caught nothin'. But had a good time at it anyway.

Here I am feeding the seagulls our leftover shrimp. J took this. He's quite proud of the action shot, (me, in the air looking like the biggest goon). It happens to look even more silly, because there's not the slightest sign of a bird anywhere in that picture. But trust me, they are there, about to swoop in from all sides.

So, that explains my absence from my blog. Did I mention, I miss my family?

Day 7: Put Your Ipod on shuffle, list the first 10 songs that play.

Well, J broke my Ipod. He says he didn't, but I know the truth. Actually, I don't really think he did, but it did just so happened to have stopped working while in his possession. Dern thing won't even turn on. I keep meaning to google it, but I just never can seem to find the time.... Anyway, the Ipod is shot, BUT, I did run across a CD of mine that I burned a while back that just happens to have playable songs on it, so, that's what ya get. Beggars can't be choosers round these parts. I really am amazed that the CD even plays, I have a tendency to scratch the bejeejesuz out of anything that says "do not scratch." Cell phones, CD's, the sidewalls of my tires....It's a gift.

1. Soulshine. This is an Allman Brothers Song. It's now performed by Gov't Mule (sometimes I feel like one of those don't you? A gov't mule? anyway...) And one of my all time favorite songs. E.V.E.R. It's one of my theme songs that I would have playing somewhere on the soundtrack of my life... you can listen to it here.

2. Chances Are. This is a duet by Bob Seger and Martina McBride, and it's in the movie Hope Floats... another one of my favorite songs ever recorded. This song was J's and my first dance song at our wedding... for that reason it will always, always, always have a special place in my heart. He's definitely the best I've ever met. Gives me chills every time ---> here

This must be a CD I made right before the wedding, because it has a lot of songs that were played during the ceremony and reception.... I'm listening as I go, and it's totally taking me back...

3. Galloway Girl. If you've ever seen P.S. I Love You, this song probably sounds familiar. Gerard Butler AND Jeffery Dean Morgan sing it to Hilary Swank's character.... lucky girl. Anyway, it's by one of my favorite southern rock, country, bluegrass artists Steve Earle. J and I had this on our wedding website, and the bluegrass band we had at the wedding played it. l.o.v.e it. here

4. In Your Eyes Is originally a 1980's hit by Peter Gabriel, but this particular version is by the Vitamin String Quartet. I walked down the aisle to this version. Another one of those that gives me chills. Minute 1:16, uh, yes. please. here. The lyrical version is awesome too, but we're going with the CD here folks... it does get kind of repetitive around minute 3, so feel free to cut it short, and head back this way.

5. Father & Daughter, by Paul Simon. Danced to this song with my sweet daddy at my wedding. You can dance to it with your daddy too, here.

6. Daughter, by Loudon Wainwright, this was somewhat of a contender for my daddy/daughter dance, but lost out because it basically would have made me sound like a spoiled little brat. which I'm not (I hope!), but my daddy (+mama) definitely blessed me with a lot in my life. you can listen to it here.

7. If The World Had a Front Porch, by Tracy Lawrence.... here Don't get more country than that! When I youtubed this song, this video that I linked was the first one available, so I grabbed it. I really loved the artistic nature of the video.... Visuals for virtually every line of the song. Perf! the bowl of ice cream was my favorite. ;-)

8. Blue Skies, written by Irving Berlin, recorded by many, sung here by Willie Nelson.... another one of those life soundtrack songs... I love how mellow his version is. Just an amiable, afternoon of soft rain, curled up on a porch swing with your sweetheart kinda song.... Blue October also has a song also called Blue Skies, here. This one is less mellow, makes me want to grab a jump rope and start double-dutching or something... if i had a jump rope, or knew how to double dutch...

9. I Wish It Would Rain, by Nanci Griffith. She's one of my favorite artists, and this is one of my favorites of her's, feast your ears on this little "folkabilly" jewel here.

10. The Weakness of Me, by Joan Armatrading is a haunting, somewhat gritty, totally relate-able track. Here ya go!

If any of those links don't work, or take you somewhere in cyberspace that you really shouldn't be, I apologize. I'm still learning. Aren't we always?

xoxo,
asm

Day 6: "Animal House"

2011-02-03T08:55:00.000-05:00

Day 6: Pets

That one's not mine. But every time I see it. I.crack.up.

This is Sutton. Jason and I got him about a month after we started dating. We found him wandering around a dump up in Resaca, Georgia. We were shocked that somebody could just throw him away like a piece of garbage, and we determined that we would take him home with us. We'd had him about a day, when we figured out his tendency to go on "walk abouts" and not come back. I've since concluded, maybe his old people didn't throw him away, more likely, he went for his afternoon jaunt, and "forgot" to go back home. It's happened on more than one occasion with us. Although, lately he's been doing much better about coming back to the house. Which I'm happy about because it means I no longer have to run up the road like a mad woman with my nappy house shoes and bathrobe flying when I see him hit up the fire hydrant and then keep going. To be fair though, I think it was a conspiracy thought up by my ~~sweet~~ devious Tiki-Belle.

That's Tiki-Belle. Don't let that sweet face fool you. She's as slick as the day is long. She's the one who you often see leading Sutton up the road, tail swishing, with a particular set of her head, that you know means business. She's on a mission. A mission to become an only dog. You can actually watch her get to a certain point of the road, then leave Sutton to his own devices (which bless him, are not the brightest), and then turn around and head back to sit on the front porch, and reign over her territory. While ole Sutton continues on down the road, oblivious that Tiki has just abandoned him. If she had hands, you can bet that she would do that dusting off motion of a job well done. But when she's not plotting, she really is the best snuggle buddy. She can't jump up on the bed, so she'll put her two front paws on the side of the bed, and peak over the top of the mattress with her ears back, just looking all precious. I'm telling ya, that dog knows exactly what's she's doing. I saved her from being euthanized at the animal control in Brunswick, Ga my freshman year of college. I think she some how knows she got a second chance, and has been grateful for every day she's had since. You could learn a lot from this dog, on how to enjoy life. When someone walks in the room she just lights up. She loves being inside, she loves being outside, she loves car rides, she loves sleeping, she loves laps, she loves running and jumping and chasing, she loves to sit on the step of the deck and study the world. This dog, when it comes to living and loving life, "gets" it.

That's Mr. Butler. This picture is a year old. I can't believe I don't have anymore recent pictures of that little mess. But this picture pretty much sums up everything you need to know about Sir Butler. If you could bottle the energy that this dog has in one little toe nail of his, you could probably power the town of Cartersville for a week. I get tired just thinking about him. I adopted him from a friend who was a couple months shy of having her second baby. He wasn't house broken at the time, so I got a good deal on him....free..and a year later he's still not house trained. Oh he will use the potty outside all day long, but he will also use it inside 2 minutes after you've let him in after an afternoon in the back yard. God love him. I know a big part of the problem is that he still has his boy parts, so a lot of the incidents are territory marking. gotta.get.that.fixed.before.i.lose.my.mind. I've done some researching, and from everything I've read, some teacup breeds never really "get" the housebreaking down to a science. say it ain't so. We love him though. I love to snuggle him, and baby talk him, and throw toys that are as big as he is, but he always drags back. He's my "meeester bootler" <---- that's what I have to yell to get him to come back to the house, (try it, it's fun to say....haha). He's a wanderer too. Gotta get some tracking devices to put on these animals.
That's Crete. She's a cat. She has turquoise blue eyes. And she is sweeter than her sister Petra. I don't have a picture of Petra, but she's just like Crete, except she's calico, fatter, yellow-green eyes, and meaner. So actually, they are really nothing alike....except they're both cats. Crete is my sweetheart, but she's glutton for punishment if she doesn't quit sharpening her claws on my living room chairs, and pooping in the guest bath tub. <---I'm pretty sure that's my fault because I don't have a litter box in the house for her, and sometimes I lose track of who's been out and who hasn't. She likes Jason better than she does me... so does Petra for that matter. He can have that one. She's mean. I love her, but she's just nice enough to me so I'll continue feeding her, and let her sleep on my stomach when we watch t.v., but no more than that. I'm not allowed to look at her, talk to her, put her outside to potty, or pet her. If I do any of those things, she'll hiss, growl, and strike at me. So I don't. We have an understanding, she and I.

That's Sweet Pea or Ms. Pea (it's interchangeable). I got her from the North Georgia Fair for my 17th birthday, and I've had her ever since. She's the last of our actual "farm" animals. And I love her. In this picture she's eating leftover cake. That pig loves cake, and twinkies, and chips from El Nopal. For a time she lived in a dog house in a pin, but one day she decided she needed bigger quarters so she moved her belongings (seriously, she drug her bedding and hay with her), to the shed outside of the fence. We kept an eye on her for a few days to make sure she didn't head over to the neighbors and start rooting around in their yard. She didn't, so we left her to it. We get some funny looks from people who stop by the house from time to time. I was home a couple of weeks ago, and the termite guy knocked on the door, and said "ma'am, I think you've got a wild pig running around loose in your backyard." I just smiled and said, "oh that's just Sweet Pea, she won't bite." She never travels farther than the barn... although one time we did come home from vacation and she had rooted up pig trails all in the front yard. As long as you feed her every other day, and make sure she has fresh water she just kinda hangs out. She is almost blind, so when you bring her food, you have to kind of yodel "sweeter peater" to her so she can follow your voice to her food. She's pretty cool.

These were our horses. Baylady, Bella, and Kid. We lost them all in terrible twist of fate accident. But they were our babies, our pets, and we miss them every day.

This was Pauline. She thought she was a horse. She liked to stand on top of the round bale of hay to eat... she was also bad about stealing Sweat Pea's food. She's gone now too.

Some days I want to just want to send them all packing... usually on mop days. When I've just swept, and spit polished the floor, and then Jason comes through the door and our fur covered posse with him, and they all run pell-mell through the house leaving tracks everywhere, and doggy fur tumble weeds come out from wherever they were hiding. The cats are weaving themselves in and out of my feet, hollering to be fed, and batting at the dogs because they are ornery like that. <--- That will take a lot out of you. But then everything calms down for the evening, everybody is fed and in as happy a mood as they will be in. The dogs are curled up on top of each other sleeping, the cats are in their respective laps, and for once Petra is allowing me to pet her, and it's just, nice. A houseful of pets, of family members, and everything that goes along with it, and yeah, it's good.

Crazy Book Lady

2011-02-02T08:43:00.000-05:00

Day 5: Your First Love

I'm sure you probably expect me to write about my first boyfriend, or more appropriately, my husband.... although Jason changed my life and my heart in ways I never could have imagined, I will get to him in a later post.

My first love? Well, that's easy. Books.

I will read anything. anything. Or I will at least give it a go. For instance, I once read The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon.... it's a Stephen King novel. I read and read, waiting (hoping) on it to get better... it never did. I'm assuming it was one of those books that he must roll out on occasion to keep his publishers happy in between his major hits like Dream Catcher and The Green Mile. People buy these books, because hey! it's Stephen King so it has to be good, right? W.R.O.N.G. I was actually mad when I finished that book. Mad, not because it was over, but because I'd wasted my time on it. From what I understand the book was full of metaphors about survival and yada yada.... it was lost on this girl however. But I'm by no means trying to deter you from reading it, in fact, please do, then maybe you can clue me in on something I must have missed. My point is, is I will read anything. Food labels, receipts, good books, bad books, magazines, etc...

I don't know exactly when I caught on to reading, or what my first book was, but I know that every time I open the cover of a book, I am about to leave my world, and enter one entirely different. Every book I read I start off the same way. I read the blurb on the back, the information about the author if it's available, the book dedication, and then I jump on in.

One of my favorite parts of a book is that book dedication. Most of them are really simple. "To John".... yawn. But sometimes they are more.
One of my favorites is in The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe, by C.S. Lewis

"To Lucy Barfield My Dear Lucy, I wrote this story for you, but when I began it I had not realized that girls grow quicker than books. As a result you are already too old for fairy tales, and by the time it is printed and bound you will be older still. But some day you will be old enough to start reading fairy tales again. You can then take it down from some upper shelf, dust it, and tell me what you think of it. I shall probably be too deaf to hear, and too old to understand, a word you say, but I shall still be your affectionate Godfather, C.S. Lewis "

Um, how awesome is that?
And that taking it down from the shelf, and dusting it off part? Yeah, that's my favorite. Discovering a book I had forgotten about, opening it up and "revisiting" friends I had long ago met, and put to the back of my mind. I love that part.

Almost every book I own, is dog eared from my going back to them time and time again.
That being said, books are almost sacred to me. There's a scene in the movie The Day After Tomorrow, where the characters are in the library burning the books for heat (cringe!), and one character was holding/protecting the New York Public Library's copy of the Gutenberg Bible. When questioned about it, he says, "as far as I'm concerned, the written word is mankind's greatest achievement." Um, "true dat." If you have access to books, you have access to the world outside your own front door. Between a front and back cover are entire worlds so different from your own as to be almost beyond imagining.

If I don't have a book on the night stand I feel lost and sad. Jason could give me a book every birthday, anniversary, and Christmas of my life, and I would be A-OK with that. hint. hint.

Give me a new book and I am a happy girl...
Give me an afternoon in a bookstore, and I step through the doors and it's like the past, present, and future are swirling all around me, and I can barely contain myself. I have had to hold myself back on multiple occasions from doing a little jig.

I googled "book lady" to find a cutesy, representative picture of somebody who loves books as much as I do and this was the first picture that popped up....

Good Lord, please let that not be a foreshadowing of things to come... If I start wearing ribbon spools as earrings (among other things), I believe Jas will put me out.

Day 4

2011-02-01T08:24:00.000-05:00

Day 4: A Habit That You Wish You Didn't Have

Okay, I'm going to make a confession. One of the worst habits I have is not calling people when I say I will. And I can just see all my friends nodding their heads and saying "I know that's right", right about now. I don't mean to not call, honest. I just get caught up in my daily goings-on, that it slips my mind. I'm also, NOT a phone talker, kind of person. like, not at all. But I should really, really do better about keeping in touch. I have a couple best friends that I don't see very often due to distance, that I also don't talk to often due to my "habit." Granted, in the day of social networking, email, twitter, etc... there are lots of ways of keeping up with people, but nothing it quite as good as hearing the voice of a dear sweet friend on the other end of the line. My friends are really patient with me, and I love 'em even more for that. I.must.do.better.

P.S. - I love love love my wedding dress, (it had polka dots!), but if we got married again, I'm pretty sure I'd pick a dress more like this....

ruffles. lace. touch of pearl beading. buttons. mosquito netting around the face...er... maybe not so much. did i say how much i love it? no? i love it. as in maybe I'll order it and wear it around the house, or grocery shopping, or whatev. I'm completely smitten by this dress.

Day 3 "A Good Friend Is Cheaper Than Therapy"

2011-01-31T09:55:00.000-05:00

Day 3: Post A Picture Of You & Your Friends....

After putting this together, I realized I don't have pictures with a lot of my friends. Will need to remedy this situation very quickly.

Day 2

2011-01-28T09:04:00.000-05:00

Day 2: The Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

Pearls & Boots

I started my blog back in February of last year. And I have a total of 15 entries.... yikes! I have got to do better.

When I first started, I wanted a descriptive name that tells a little bit about me and my personality. I borrowed the idea of the name from my favorite character in the movie Shrek... Puss 'n Boots.

The older I get, the more I tend to shy away from anything trendy. That includes cars, and housing decor, all the way down to clothing choices, and baby names. As far as clothing is concerned, when I was growing up my mama always told me to invest in the staples of fine clothing. Clean lines, rich fabrics, timeless pieces. No polyester, no rayon, no blends (and for Lord's sakes, no spandex!). Yes, they will be more expensive initially, but they will last forever, and they will never go out of style. Meaning you won't have to replace your wardrobe every season. As far as accessories are concerned, what is more timeless and classic than a strand of pearls? I l.o.v.e pearls. love 'em. They are sophisticated without being fussy. They have a true understated elegance about them. And they go with absolutely everything. They even have the ability to dress up a t-shirt and jeans. To me, pearls are representative of the finer things in life... like good wine. Jason is the connoisseur in our family, I drink Riesling at supper, and he makes fun of me because "don't you know that's a dessert wine?", and people who know wine, know that you don't drink Riesling at supper. Good manners, is another thing, but don't get me wrong, just 'cause you wear pearls, don't mean that you're a lady. I've been out with friends at night, and have seen pretty girls with pearls, getting in fist fights with other pretty girls with pearls.

Pearls don't necessarily have to say "money," nor should they. What they should represent is the ideal aspects of women's characteristics, such as graciousness, kindness, confidence, and femininity.
Diamonds are another favorite of mine, but diamonds are flashy. I am not flashy. I think that's why I love pearls so much. If pearls were a person, they would be a Grace Kelley, an Audrey Hepburn, a Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. They don't scream "look at me," because they don't have to. Now, I am in no way comparing myself to these sophisticated, elegant women, but I'm saying that's what I love about pearls.

Then you have the boots side of my personality. I grew up on a farm. Where my brother and I mucked stalls and picked up rocks out of the field as punishment for smarting off or disobeying our parents. One particularly fun punishment of mine, was to re-paint the entire barn and all the outbuildings. There was no "Tom Sawyering" my way out of that one. My brother was too smart. It was torture. I'm not saying I didn't deserve it, but it was torture.
I also grew up around multiple half-nephews who are the same age as me, and we spent our weekends and evenings riding 4 wheelers, camping and getting as dirty and muddy as possible. We would play hide and seek after dark on those 4 wheelers, and if you were found you cranked yours up, and drove as fast as possible to the "safe zone" before you were tagged out. Dangerous I know. How did we not kill ourselves? Well, some of us almost did. One evening my nephew Brandon and I, "found" Justin and one of his buddies. They tore off in the dark without turning on their headlights. They managed to find the one stump in the whole field and slammed right into it going 90 to nothing. Bodies were flying everywhere, they were okay, but that was the end of hide and seek in the dark.
So the "boots" represent the side of me that loves the outdoors. I'm not a hunter, but I love to fish (catch & release). I love to camp (we just bought a used pop-up, I know, I know it's not really camping, but it is so much easier with the dogs!). I love to be outdoors with my husband, and our sweet mutts. I love to get muddy (but keep it out of my hair please). I love the rustic atmosphere of a hunting camp... and the general, everybody is your buddy attitude when you come across other like minded people who also enjoy the great outdoors. I love to ride horses... even though it's probably the sight of my handsome's behind in a pair of tight fitting wranglers that I love even more. Being outside, and enjoying being there, is just good, wholesome, and all-American fun.

It's the idea of melding these two totally different aspects together that gave me the name for my blog. The rustic, and the refined.

I love my pearls, and I love my boots. There you have it.

30 Days of Me....Day 1

2011-01-27T08:27:00.001-05:00

Over the past couple of months I've seen several of my blogging friends do a 30 Days of Me Challenge. Everyday you are given a topic, and for 30 days you write about that daily topic. Because I generally lose interest about a week after I start blogging, I think this will be a fun way to get in the routine of a daily update. My whole point in writing this blog, is yes, to update family and friends on what's going on in my life, but also as a journal, so years down the road, I can look back and remember what was going on in my life, and if our future kids are interested (I hope they will be), they can look back and see what their mama was like "before she was mama."

Day 1: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

I don't know how "interesting" these facts will be, but here goes....

1. I have a temper that only the closest people to me ever see. It's usually short lived, but can be explosive at times.

2. I would love love love to one day be able to photograph children & design a successful line of stationary as a full time job.

3. There are a handful of people who call me Annieboo (a childhood nickname), and I let them.

4. I have a very (very) close relationship with my mom. I tell her everything, and I always go to her for advice.

5. I would love to be the kind of person, that if I won a million dollars, I'd give it all away.

6. By reading just one PostSecret book I think you will find out everything you need to know about humanity.

7. I don't need to know I've done it, but before I die, I want to lead at least 1 person to the Lord.

8. I love descriptive words like sensational, embellishment, and panache.

9. My favorite character from any movie I've ever seen is Ouiser Boudreaux - I can quote every line.

10. I correct people's grammar in my head.

11. I want a bumblegum pink '50's vintage refrigerator.

12. We lost all of our horses and our sweet goat Pauline, in a horrible accident, and it just about destroyed me.

13. I don't want my future children to be seen as "weird", but I don't want to raise them as 99% of America is raising theirs.

14. I want to learn how to live off the land... start a fire from scratch, trap and field dress my food, identify and use plants for their medicinal purposes, etc...

15. I want an organic garden.

Train Travel? Yes Please!

2011-01-26T08:36:00.000-05:00

For the most part, as Americans when we think of traveling, cars and planes are the first things that come to mind. Unless you live in a big metropolitan city, you don't walk, bike, or travel by train if you can possibly help it.

We are not a culture that typically uses trains for distance traveling, and therefore the few rail lines that are set up for overnight/distance travel, are somewhat limited on their destinations. We want bigger, faster, cheaper... Trains are only as big as the rails can support, they are getting faster, but most generally affordable still run 80-100 mph., and tickets definitely aren't as economical in price as you can commonly find through airline travel. So I can definitely see why so many Americans have never thought about taking a train to get to their destination, much less actually used one.

I've traveled by train three times in my life, and every minute was an experience.
All three have been overnight trips (and depending on where you are going, they usually are). The first was from Madrid to Barcelona, Spain. And the others were two separate summer trips from New Haven, Connecticut to Atlanta. I didn't have any romantic goodbyes (or hello's) on any of these, but that's okay because I still loved every second about it. Even waking up at 2 o' clock in the morning on the Spanish train to find gypsies rifling through our bags (those gypsies sure can pick the heck out of a lock!) And tripping over my feet, and hitting the floor on the second trip because we went around a particularly sharp curve while I was on my way to the dining car.

The Spanish train was quite a European experience for a young, impressionable girl from the rolling hills of North Georgia. After 10 pm. the dining car turned into a drinking car, and our chaperon, and one of my girl friends were back there as a handful of Spanish 20 somethings, quickly turned our quiet little dining car into a European party bar. Those Europeans sure know how to party. It was lots of fun. We'll just leave it at that.

If you choose to travel by train, you do so with the understanding that you are not going to get to your destination fast. Unless you are on a direct non-stop train, you will stop. A lot. From what I can remember, the New Haven to Atlanta trip we stopped 15 times. You get used to it though, and that's part of the fun. You get out and stretch your legs, and see who gets on and who gets off. People watching... it's my favorite.

The other part of train travel I love is the scenery. You are traveling at roughly 80 mph at cruising speed, so not all that much faster than a car. However, many of the routes take you through the most gorgeous a parts of the U.S. There was a particular area of Virginia we made a stop in, that was so beautiful, I swear I debated on just not getting back on the train. But my mom was missing me, and I was all out of clean undergarments.

Trail travel, is an old-fashioned way to travel, and I think that's what fascinates me about it.
It makes me want to pull out my vintage luggage, and hop on board the next train out of town. If you decide to travel by train, I suggest upgrading to a sleeping car. The coach seats are roomier and more comfortable than most plane seating, but the charm wears off pretty quickly when you have to sit semi-upright, and share elbow room with the chubby lady who brought along her bucket of KFC chicken, for 12+ hours. Learned that the hard way.

If you have traveled by train, would love to hear about your experience, and whether or not you loved it as much as I did! And if you plan to take a train in the future, let me know. Would love to join!

History in a Hand-Me-Down

2011-01-25T08:46:00.000-05:00

When you hear the word 'hand-me-down' you probably think of the poor kids wearing their elder brother or sister's worn out tennis shoes or patched jeans, and maybe a jacket that doesn't quite fit, but will have to do. I never wore hand-me-downs. My brother and I did, however, wear sweat suits (in every color) that were 3 sizes too big, in the hopes that by being thrifty, we could save a little money and we would have room to "grow into them." Apparently mom thought we were going to be husky size at some point because I have sweat shirts I got for Christmas in the third grade that could still fit two or three people in.

But I'm a little off topic. Hand me downs. The hand-me-downs I inherited came in the form of my many names. Being from the south, generally when I introduce myself with my double name, people may pause at the Scarlett, but when I say "it's a family name" they nod in complete understanding and move along. Family names, in the south... it's what we do.

My first name, Audrey, comes from my paternal grandmother. I never met my father's parents. They died in the 60's, yet my dads heart is in his voice whenever he talks about my grandmother, so I know she was pretty special. It's her name that I carry at the beginning. From everything I've heard of her over the years, I know she was a salt of the earth kind of person (my favorite kind). She was honest, hardworking, and well thought of. She helped the family out by not only raising two sons, but by taking on several odd jobs. During the summer she dug worms to sell as bait, and sent my daddy around to all the fish camps in the area to sell for a little extra money. She helped run my granddaddy's motel, "Jug's Tourist Court", and she was also the post mistress of Emerson, Georgia. This was back when the trains still helped deliver mail from town to town. Dad still talks about the times when he was a kid and the train's conductor hadn't extended the mail hook all the way and it would knock the mail bag off the platform and strewed the contents up and down the rail tracks, and daddy and my uncle Fred would have to run up and down picking up the letters and whatnot, and meet the train in Cartersville to get them the mail.
She was a woman of many talents. From what dad says, she could cook a biscuit in her sleep, and she had the greenest thumb of anybody he ever met. No, I never met my grandmother Audrey, but I am honored to carry on her name.

Anne, with an "e", is my mother's middle name, her mother's first name, and the first name of my middle name...confused yet? I assume most people must spell it as Ann, because there have been countless times, where people will read off my name and say Annie. I don't get it, but there it is. Several years ago, when my mom was reapplying for her passport, she realized (for the first time), that there was a typo on her birth certificate and the "e" had been omitted. When she asked my grandmother about it, my dear ole granny (she would kill me if she heard me call her that, so it will be our little secret okay?) said that, yes she knew about it, and had always meant to have it fixed, but never did get around to it...my mom nearly had an identity crisis. That, in a nutshell, tells you a little bit about my grandmother, and my mama.

Lastly I have Scarlett, a family name from my maternal grandfather's side of the family, and the name that most people hear and then feel the need to start quoting Gone With the Wind, which used to bug me to no end, but now I just sorta smile and nod. Or they mishear me, and call me Carla. Although all my names are family names Scarlett is the one that generally takes an explanation. I've finally gotten over the need to explain it every time somebody says "oh your mom must have loved Gone With the Wind." Well, I'm sure she does, but that's not where that name came from. Long story, long, circa 1799, Francis M. Scarlett, my 4X's Great-Grandfather lived in Middlesex, England, and was caught by his teacher drawing satirical cartoons of said teacher, he was punished, and this punishment apparently prompted young Francis to run away from home. He stowed away on a ship bound for America, but he had no sooner disembarked in the port of Savannah, than one of his father's business acquaintances recognized him and set him packing right back to his father. He jumped on the very next ship that he could, back to the coast of Georgia, where he settled in Brunswick, married a prominent local planter's daughter and created Oak Grove Plantation at Fancy Bluff. Francis and Ann (without the "e") Scarlett had 11 children that survived childhood. In my particular branch of the Scarlett family, the name ceased to exist as a surname when my 2x Great-Grandmother Annie Bell Scarlett (Francis Scarlett's granddaughter) married a Hilsman. "Minnie" as the family called her, had 12 bothers and sisters, so the the last name has survived in other branches of the family. In the past few generations, my branch started using it as a first and middle name. I have a great-aunt, a 1st cousin once removed, a second cousin, and an aunt who all carry on the name Scarlett. There is a family story about the name Scarlett being used in Margaret Mitchell's novel. Shortly after GWTW was published, a sister of Annie Bell wrote to Margaret Mitchell, praising the book, but asking why Ms. Mitchell felt the need to name "that hussy" Scarlett. M.M. wrote back, explaining that she meant no harm or disrespect in naming her headstrong, and narcissistic heroine after one of coastal Georgia's "most prominent families," and that she was aware of our family's history, but felt the name was the perfect fit for her character. I can't disagree, even if it means I will forever after introduce myself, and within a heartbeat hear, "but Miz Scarlett, I don't know nothin' bout birthin' no babies... I bet you hear that a lot don't you?" Well, yes actually, I do. But I wouldn't change it for the world.

So there it is. A family history lesson taught by the handful of hand-me-down names that I received upon birth, have a heck of a time fitting on any form that requires me to write my name, and tells so much about me and my people that I just had to share.

xoxo,
Audrey Anne-Scarlett Marrow (née Irwin)

Melt Your Heart Monday...

2011-01-24T08:37:00.000-05:00

I borrowed this idea from a fellow blogger.
After putting this together, my heart is now a puddle on the floor. Won't you join me?

I've heard that otters hold hands in rough weather so they don't get separated in the water. I like to think they do it simply because they like to.

this makes me miss my mama....

are you smiling yet?

you should be.....

i know this is staged. but good grief. i need a tissue.

hello, little bit

I'll take 2 of these please.

I can almost smell the milk breath on this little munchkin

I die. D-I-E

looking at this picture makes everything right with the world in my eyes.

I want to cuddle up with each and every one of these, as soon as possible.
yes, even this one.....

....and, this one.

Now I need to take the rest of the day off, just to recover!

Just A Little Note On What I Expect to Find When I Get Home...

2011-01-20T09:37:00.000-05:00

Sutton, our 91 year old lab (in dog years of course), who for all intents & purposes is deaf, blind, & dumb, can in 5 minutes flat, sniff out 1/2 of a cheese puff that was placed on the back corner property line of 40 acres. That's basically what he did last night when I set out Sweet Pea's (our pig) food. His tummy can no longer handle people food, and I won't elaborate for the sake of decency and all, but he creates quite a mess when he has a tummy ache, and who get's to clean it up? Me. I'm already preparing myself. That is all.

but isn't he a sweet one?

No More Baseboards Ever!!

2011-01-19T15:28:00.001-05:00

Is there a household chore that you hate more than the rest?
I do, it's...um... a tie between ALL OF THEM.
But if I had to pick, just one, at this current moment in my life, it would be cleaning the baseboards.

It was this particular ~~tortuous~~ chore that I decided to embark upon over the MLK weekend. It so scarred me, that I am just now able to talk about it. I will not be posting before or after pictures, as the before pictures are too embarrassing, and as for the after, I can no longer crawl back down on the ground to take the pictures due to the fact that the muscles in my legs have seized up and no longer work properly. Plus, they are baseboards, and nobody cares about pictures of baseboards.
During all that squatting I did to clean them, I used muscles in my legs that I didn't know I had, and all (okay, 6) aerobics, step, and cycle classes I took, never even touched on.
I didn't wake up Monday morning with the intention of going to bed that night with the aches and pains generally afforded a ninety year old woman, but hey! it gave me something else to complain to J about, so I was all over it... just kidding.... sorta.
My plan was to do a simple mopping job in the kitchen, and then laze around in my pj's, eating everything I could get my hands on, namely pop tarts, left over Christmas candy, a slice of apple pie, and grilled cheese sandwich with tomato soup. However, as soon as I started, and the kitchen floor began looking rather spiffy, it made my baseboards look all that more dingy, dirty, and icky. We don't currently have children, but we do have three dogs that run-a-muck through the kitchen and foyer. I firmly believe that they have an unspoken pact to track through the house every piece of dirt, glob of mud, stick, leaf, and fluff out of doggie toys, that lands on the ground in south-east Bartow county. Plus Mr. Butler, as cute as his little self is, is still not housebroken, so you know what that means.
It means the baseboards were, well, dirty.
I sweep daily, spot mop daily, and all out mop once a week. I don't, however, do baseboards. At least, I didn't until Monday. And to tell you the truth, I don't know if I'll ever do them again. I think slapping on a new coat of paint every time they get a little dirty would be easier than scrubbing the tar out of them. I have calluses for gosh sakes.
No more baseboards ever!

P.S.- I want this sofa. I'll never get it (it's $6000), but I want it all the same.

What Country Is....

2011-01-19T10:43:00.000-05:00

In the past decade or so, "what country is" has gone very mainstream. In college, every other frat boy I met, had mud tires on their trucks, and the sorority girls had John Deere trucker hat that they sported sideways with their tongues hanging out of their mouths, throwing "deuces" in every picture posted on facebook. But would they actually know what a cotton boll looked like if they were standing in a field of it? They know about Johnny Cash because they just love Joaquin Phoenix and Reece Witherspoon. They know bluegrass because George Clooney starred in Oh Brother Where Art Thou? When you turn on the radio and hear modern country music on soft rock and pop stations, you know "what country is" is not what country was. Mainstream country anyway.

When you peal away the trimmings that so many people put up to claim country or southern status, what do you have? A pile of John Deer hats, and little else.

Being southern or country has a lot of negative connotations to it. Our speech is one thing the rest of the country constantly makes fun of us about. Let them. Our speech is a languid, and relaxed as our summer nights. And I love that.

How many of us want to actually trade in the comforts of air conditioning in the summer for a box fan in the window to "suck in the swamp air" that the south in known for? Not many of us. I for one, love central heating & air, but I also love to go out and wet a line in the creek. I love to throw a saddle on the back of a pony, and head off down the trail. No, I don't like to be sweaty, and play connect the dots from where I was relentlessly attacked by bat sized mosquitoes and knats, but I love to be out in the country. The cool, clear water flowing over your feet as you wade through the creek. The thrill that runs over you when you feel the tug on the line when you're fishing. The red Georgia clay that means you're in the heart of the south. Watching the dragonflies light on flowers growing wild in the meadows. Feeling your stomach drop out from under you as you fly through the air on a rope swing over the lake, and that moment of simultaneous terror and pure joy as you hang suspended in the air before letting go. Waiving at the old man driving down the back road on his tractor because he still has fields that need plowing and sowing. It's rocking chair front porches, and family stories that are passed down with recipes. It's the total excitement, and thrill that overwhelms every man, woman, and child when the county virtually shuts down due to a once-in-every 20 years snow storm (and then the inevitable, "ho hum" that was fun for a day attitude that quickly moves in). It's the sun going down over the little town where you were born and raised, that still has a main street that gets clogged when the trains roll through. That's country. That's southern. That's everything.

My heart and souls belongs in the country, not necessarily Emerson, Georgia 4-E-V-E-R, but somewhere I can hear the katydids, watch the lightning bugs dance over the tall grass in the fields, and lay out under the inky black sky and actually see the stars. There's a particular dialogue in the movie I Heart Huckabees, that sums up quite nicely how I feel about the country.

Albert Markovski: I'm talking about not covering every square inch with houses and strip malls until you can't remember what happens when you stand in a meadow at dusk.
Bret: What happens in the meadow at dusk?
Albert Markovski: Everything!
Mrs. Hooten: Nothing!
Albert Markovski: Everything.
Mrs. Hooten Nothing!
Albert Markovski: Everything!
Mrs. Hooten Nothing!
Albert Markovski: It's beautiful.
Tommy Corn: It's beautiful.

No, it's not just about John Deere hats, and pickup trucks. It's about feeling the earth, the land, in your soul. It's about being able to stand in a meadow at dusk, and seeing everything.

XO,
a.s.

A House to Call Home

2011-01-18T11:44:00.000-05:00

Jason and I live in the house I grew up in. My parents moved to the beach house in St. Simons (lucky them), and took their dogs and little else. Therefore, the home my husband and I live in, looks exactly the same as it did on the day I graduated high school. Which honestly, I don't mind, I mean, it's home. But it does semi-bother Jason... and because it bothers him, it bothers me, mainly because I hear about it. Oh the joys of marriage! haha. In all reality he has been EXTREMELY patient with the fact that for a year and a half, our bedroom still has stuff on the walls from when I was in middle school.... That being said, it is time to REVAMP THE FARMHOUSE!! Thank God most of what my parents chose to put in the house when they built it 22 years ago, were choices based on timeless, traditional lines. Meaning we won't have to do any large scale renovation. We will be working mainly with things like paint, lighting, and eventually flooring. At some point in the future we would love to add a room onto the back of the house, with a tin roof to be used as a den.

The refreshing will be done in stages, and therefore I've decided to blog the process.

The kitchen is first and foremost, mainly because it's the one room that is getting on my nerves the most. Probably because I almost have a seizure every time I walk in due to the fact that the color on the walls is similar to the surface of the sun. It is that yellow. And it has got. to. go.

I will upload BEFORE pictures of the kitchen this evening. But below are pictures that I am using for inspirations. There are elements of each that I love. That I am hoping to incorporate into "OUR" kitchen. Hope J likes it! ;-)

love the understated charm of this kitchen. clean, but lived in.

L.O.V.E this kitchen... I just don't know if I can talk myself into painting our cherry cabinets.
But I'm seriously thinking about it.

this one really nothing like the first two, other than it's not your cookie cutter kitchen. AND i love it.... how to choose which direction we want to go in?!? By the way, I can pretty much guarantee that J will say it's too busy, with too much stuff... which it is, and it does, but i love it.

love the retro look, and i can pretty much see jason rolling his eyes on this one.
would probably never do this, but love the feel of it.

love the open shelving, and the painted pine board walls.

I think I can conclude that I love the open, light filled kitchens. It's a good thing we have big windows, and a set of french doors in our kitchen.
Pictures up soon!!

My Prayer Journal 10/20/2010

2010-10-20T10:08:00.001-04:00

There has been a lot of things pressing on my heart for some time now. Not bad things, just heavy things. I woke up this morning with a realization that those "things" were shadowed by the desire to deepen my relationship with God. To my discredit, I've always been the person to shy away from the "Bible thumpers." And if I'm completely honest, and has hateful as it sounds, the people who constantly spew scripture in daily conversation, get on my nerves. But again, if I'm honest, maybe it's jealousy that makes me be so negative about people like that. Maybe I'm jealous of the light that shines through them. The way that they seem at peace about everything. The peace- that's what I'm jealous of. And not the kind of harmony that you feel after a spa treatment, or waking up after a good nights sleep, I mean the deep seated peace that you feel when you know God has your back. When everything is your life is upside down and sideways, and you feel calm in your heart, because you KNOW that "this too shall pass." I decided to start keeping a prayer journal. And at least look at it every day. Some things may move around in priority on the list, some prayers will never change, but I think if I can put down on paper the desires of my heart, it will help me to connect with Him in a way that has been lacking thus far. I'm a touch/experience learner. I may be able to look at something a thousand times, hear it a thousand times, but if I don't write it down or do it, i'll never really get it. I'm hoping that by writing this "wish list" to God, that it will help me prioritize the desires i have for my life, and thus deepen the most important relationship in my life.

...

Keep those that I love safe, healthy, & happy, and help them to find the same peace in You that I struggle with.

Help me to be the best wife, daughter, sister, friend (hopefully, one day mother) that I know You have blessed me with the capabilities to be.

Help Jason and me open our hearts, home and marriage to You so that You pervade every aspect of our relationship.

Help us to find a church of good, honest, humble people, where we feel welcome, loved, and cherished.

Help me to accept our limitations- help me to not burden myself, my husband, or our marriage with unrealistic expectations and desires for monetary and materialistic items.

Speak to my heart about the direction I should be going- give me peace and answers about my career path.

Help me to be positive, motivate and give me courage to fulfill my dreams

Help me to give to others who have not & give back to those that have given to me- help me to do this for the sake of giving in your name only

Bless me with healthy, strong, wonderful children who will know You all of their lives.

Silence the demons, angers, frustrations, depressions that I feel from time to time that take away, shadow, or banish the JOY in my life.

Help me to feel in my heart and soul the beauty of sunrises, sunsets, rainbows, even on cloudy days.

Help me to keep Your name on my lips every moment of every day.

Help me to be open to doing Your will.

Bless me with friends that will encourage me, that will stand as examples, flaws and all.

Help me become a portrait of a Godly, compassionate, dignified, strong, approachable, woman. "help me become worth more than rubies."

Help me to honor You, so that I may be honored by You.

Liberate me of my fears, give me peace in my heart.

Help me be the strong, supportive, loving wife of the man that you blessed me with as my husband, may you help him be the same for me.

Lead me beside calm waters, bless me with the things I need, should I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, help me to know no fear. Restore my soul.

They say Hindsights 20/20.... ain't it the truth!

2010-02-25T14:02:00.001-05:00

Don't you just wish that anytime you come to a point in your life where you had to make a decision, like, a big one... like, a life altering decision, you could run out and pick up a pair of "20/20 Hindsight" glasses, that showed you where your decision would lead you in the future, and what kind of affect (effect?! this verb-age usage always stumps me!) it would have or not have of your life? They'd probably look like the headband across the eyes accessory that LeVar Burton (you know, of Reading Rainbow fame) rocks in Star Trek. Anyway, I do (as in, I do wish I had a pair of these glasses). For instance, in college, declaring my major, if I had known then, what I know now, would I have majored in History. HECK to the Naww!! I mean, don't get me wrong, I love history. love it. But, what can you do with it? I mean, really? Teach? Not in public schools, gotta have a degree in ECE for that, or at least working towards one. Nope. Basically all it's good for it Tuesday night trivia or Historical Jeopardy categories. Tudor England Government for $300 please Alan!

If, I had had a pair of those glasses, as I was sitting in my college advisers (who to my chagrin was about 5 mins. older than me, with absolutely no ability to give me advice on anything, much less a decision that would follow... haunt?.... me the rest of my life) office, where I filled out a form declaring the fact that I wanted a piece of paper to frame and hang on my wall, and little else, I probably would have gone for bigger and better things (although I was already on the 5 year plan and I probably would have declared basket weaving as my degree if I thought it would have gotten me that handshake from the dean and a walk across the stage any faster). Or at least tried to come up with some plan that would allow me to implement my devotion to History outside the walls of the great University of GA (go dawgs!).

Don't get me wrong, I know the simple fact of having a degree is important when applying for jobs, they show potential employers that you are trainable, possess relatively above average intellect, and at the very least have the ability to read and write your own name, but if you don't have a plan or desire to go along with it, it seems to simply boil down to a pretty frameable piece of art. I have slowly come to figure out things that I'm passionate about; that i love photography, i love design, i love antiques, i love wedding planning, i love children.... why couldn't I have picked a degree where I could have pursued a career in one of those fields, not that I can't now, but I don't have the background to just go out and grab a career dealing antiques, or photographing children. I am having to painstakingly teach myself, and/or pick up on things from others who are already established in those fields, which is fine, but it's putting me way behind the curve.

Don't get me wrong, I like my job (most days), and I love the fact that I have a job. But it's not my dream job by any stretch of the imagination. And I would love to one day be able to make a living doing what I LOVE to do, not just what I like. Wouldn't we all though?

Anyway, you live and you learn.

Guess that's what life is about.....

And I do love history.

Alan: This English monarch embraced Protestantism to obtain a divorce from his wife Catherine?Slide 23
Me: Who was King Henry VIII?

XOXO,

ASM

Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays

2010-02-22T08:38:00.000-05:00

Is it Monday again, already? After an absolutely beautiful weekend, I wake up Monday morning to rain, drizzle, fog, and general yuckyness that seems to have moved in and made itself at home for the past several months. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the rain, Lord knows we've needed the rain (although, Lord, I think we're doing pretty good at this point), but it has caused me to drag a bit this morning, and put me in a grumpy mood. I've spilled a cup of hot tea, and jammed up the copier, twice, all before 8:15. And when I say jammed up, I mean, had to take every door, drawer, swivel, and button off to fix the dern thing. Sweet.

Sound like somebody has a case of the Monday's? yeah, that'd be me.

I believe you have my stapler.

XOXO,

ASM

As American as Mama's Cream Cheese Pound Cake...

2010-02-19T08:38:00.000-05:00

I love Norman Rockwell. I love his idealistic, quaint, and sentimental portrayals of American life. Some art critics call it “overly sweet.” I disagree; I think they simply represent the ideal aspects of an imperfect world.

I am as sentimental as the day is long, (i tear up during Publix commercials).so his art really “speaks” to me. It pulls as my heartstrings and makes me yearn for a simpler time, where children could play outside till dark with no fear of being snatched by the boogie man, where after prom, a couple would go down to the corner drugstore and share a malted shake; where when a little boy had enough of his baby sister and decided to run away, he packed his buffalo nickel and a Hardy Boy’s book in his red handkerchief, tied it on a stick, took his dog and set off down the dirt road to grandma’s house.

I love the wholesomeness, the snap shots of the American dream.

Of course, I’m not completely deluded enough to think that life really was “simpler” back in the good ol’ days. I mean you had the World Wars, the Cold War, women had the vote, but few other freedoms, and African Americans pretty much had nothing but each other.

But ahhhh, there’s still something about it. Not quite innocence, but something….

His illustrations are American as baseball and mama’s apple pie. Which by the way, my mama doesn’t make apple pie, but she does bake a mean cream cheese pound cake.

As American as mama’s cream cheese pound cake….

Then again, somethings never change, and that makes me smile too.

XOXO,

ASM

This one goes out to the one I love....

2010-02-18T08:18:00.001-05:00

Tune stuck in your head yet? yeah, sorry bout that.

I met my honey October 26, 2007. We were set up by my nephew and our first date was a...da da dum... Blind One EEEEEEK! Turns, out he was wonderful, is wonderful, and hopefully will continue to be...wonderful.
He came strutting up to my front door wearing cowboy boots and tight little wrangler jeans with a bouquet of wild flowers, and my little ol' heart just melted into a puddle right then in there.

People say love at first sight is a myth... well folks, i'm here to tell you, It Ain't! I honestly and truly believe that in that first moment, I recognized that man for who he was, the partna' that God in his wondrous knowledge, created just for me. lucky me. It was a wonderful evening. And we have had continuous wonderful evenings, and mornings, and nights together since that first one.

He wears a cowboy hat and a bow tie equally well; Meaning, you can take him just about anywhere....which is a good thing.

He's a man with a heart of gold, a crooked little grin, and our dog Sutton follows him around like he hung the moon, and it doesn't hurt that he's one good lookin' son of a gun.

He's a little bit country, a little bit rock 'n roll, and he's allll mine!

love you cowboy.

XOXO,

ASM

It's Me Again Lord....

2010-02-17T14:06:00.001-05:00

Some days, I’m just on a roll, (or at least I like to think I am), only positive and happy thoughts abound. I’m generous with my compliments, and I truly mean them, I’m internally placid, I give my extra dollars to the homeless man who camps out at my exit, and I pat myself on the back after a day well lived. And then there’s the flip-side, some days I’m just trouble…. I’m sharp, and mouthy (which I might have been able to get away with as a teenager, when I had puberty to pin it on, but mouthy is not a positive trait in an adult). I’m cheeky to the point of rudeness, and I lash out at those that I love the most. It’s on these days, when I can relate to the Catholic practice of going to confession. Going to a church and knocking on a little wooden door, and anonymously laying it all out there. It seems like instance after instance, I have to knock on the little door inside my heart, where Jesus lives and say, “It’s me again Lord”… and I need to talk… or be forgiven, or popped on the backside by a loving Father, and sent away pardoned, but seeing the error of my ways. It seems like these days are becoming more and more common in my daily life, and I just don’t like it!!!! <----insert cheekiness here. My life is blessed. I have an amazing husband, family, and friends. Good health, the more than occasional good hair day (when I work at it!), a steady paycheck (can I get an AMEN?!), and a back deck where I can plop myself down in a rocking chair, and hopefully one day watch my children play and grow, but currently watch my lovable mutts chase each other, their own tails, and the various flora and fauna that come through our neck of the woods. Thinking about it…. I’ve got it made.
knock, knock, knock...It’s Me Again Lord…. And I’d just like to say thanks!

XOXO,
ASM

To Blog or Not to Blog....

2010-02-16T12:56:00.000-05:00

There’s something you should know about me, I’m not the most consistent person in the world. I mean, I follow through with the important things: eating, showering on a regular basis, and brushing my teeth, but other things like…. flossing, New Year's resolutions, diets, working out, and so on and so forth… I start off completely committed, and with every intention of sticking with it, but life, or complacency, or something gets in the way. So, blogging... funny word that, "blogging." It's one of one of those new words, like "bling bling" , "Word" , or "true dat" that just a few short years ago, didn't exist, and then over night, bam! there they are. New words. I'm actually excited that I know what they mean. I mean, I don't need another excuse to feel old. I'm only 26, but just the other day, the horrid phrase "When I was your age...." left my mouth and I almost had a mid life crisis right then and there, I actually went right to the computer and started googling smart little red convertibles. By the way, another one of my inconsistencies is staying on track... actually I'm pretty consistent with getting off track... so Hey! yay for me!

Confused yet? Happens to me all the time.

Anyway, blogging. Some of my friends do it, some of them don't. But from what I've seen, basically it's on online journal where you can give regular (key word: regular) entries of commentary. I like that. Makes me feel all Carrie Bradshaw-ish, but without the Manolo Blahnik's, apartment on the upper east side, or following okay, so it's nothing like CB, but a girl can dream can't she?

So stay tuned. For my opinions (probably less so on men, sex, and clothes, and the having and having not of those), of people, places, and things I come into contact with, and my general ramblings of life and the world, and my little corner of it!

Ciao for now!

XOXO,
ASM