My Prayer Journal 10/20/2010

There has been a lot of things pressing on my heart for some time now. Not bad things, just heavy things. I woke up this morning with a realization that those "things" were shadowed by the desire to deepen my relationship with God. To my discredit, I've always been the person to shy away from the "Bible thumpers." And if I'm completely honest, and has hateful as it sounds, the people who constantly spew scripture in daily conversation, get on my nerves. But again, if I'm honest, maybe it's jealousy that makes me be so negative about people like that. Maybe I'm jealous of the light that shines through them. The way that they seem at peace about everything. The peace- that's what I'm jealous of. And not the kind of harmony that you feel after a spa treatment, or waking up after a good nights sleep, I mean the deep seated peace that you feel when you know God has your back. When everything is your life is upside down and sideways, and you feel calm in your heart, because you KNOW that "this too shall pass." I decided to start keeping a prayer journal. And at least look at it every day. Some things may move around in priority on the list, some prayers will never change, but I think if I can put down on paper the desires of my heart, it will help me to connect with Him in a way that has been lacking thus far. I'm a touch/experience learner. I may be able to look at something a thousand times, hear it a thousand times, but if I don't write it down or do it, i'll never really get it. I'm hoping that by writing this "wish list" to God, that it will help me prioritize the desires i have for my life, and thus deepen the most important relationship in my life.

...

Keep those that I love safe, healthy, & happy, and help them to find the same peace in You that I struggle with.

Help me to be the best wife, daughter, sister, friend (hopefully, one day mother) that I know You have blessed me with the capabilities to be.

Help Jason and me open our hearts, home and marriage to You so that You pervade every aspect of our relationship.

Help us to find a church of good, honest, humble people, where we feel welcome, loved, and cherished.

Help me to accept our limitations- help me to not burden myself, my husband, or our marriage with unrealistic expectations and desires for monetary and materialistic items.

Speak to my heart about the direction I should be going- give me peace and answers about my career path.

Help me to be positive, motivate and give me courage to fulfill my dreams

Help me to give to others who have not & give back to those that have given to me- help me to do this for the sake of giving in your name only

Bless me with healthy, strong, wonderful children who will know You all of their lives.

Silence the demons, angers, frustrations, depressions that I feel from time to time that take away, shadow, or banish the JOY in my life.

Help me to feel in my heart and soul the beauty of sunrises, sunsets, rainbows, even on cloudy days.

Help me to keep Your name on my lips every moment of every day.

Help me to be open to doing Your will.

Bless me with friends that will encourage me, that will stand as examples, flaws and all.

Help me become a portrait of a Godly, compassionate, dignified, strong, approachable, woman. "help me become worth more than rubies."

Help me to honor You, so that I may be honored by You.

Liberate me of my fears, give me peace in my heart.

Help me be the strong, supportive, loving wife of the man that you blessed me with as my husband, may you help him be the same for me.

Lead me beside calm waters, bless me with the things I need, should I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, help me to know no fear. Restore my soul.

They say Hindsights 20/20.... ain't it the truth!

Don't you just wish that anytime you come to a point in your life where you had to make a decision, like, a big one... like, a life altering decision, you could run out and pick up a pair of "20/20 Hindsight" glasses, that showed you where your decision would lead you in the future, and what kind of affect (effect?! this verb-age usage always stumps me!) it would have or not have of your life? They'd probably look like the headband across the eyes accessory that LeVar Burton (you know, of Reading Rainbow fame) rocks in Star Trek. Anyway, I do (as in, I do wish I had a pair of these glasses). For instance, in college, declaring my major, if I had known then, what I know now, would I have majored in History. HECK to the Naww!! I mean, don't get me wrong, I love history. love it. But, what can you do with it? I mean, really? Teach? Not in public schools, gotta have a degree in ECE for that, or at least working towards one. Nope. Basically all it's good for it Tuesday night trivia or Historical Jeopardy categories. Tudor England Government for $300 please Alan!

If, I had had a pair of those glasses, as I was sitting in my college advisers (who to my chagrin was about 5 mins. older than me, with absolutely no ability to give me advice on anything, much less a decision that would follow... haunt?.... me the rest of my life) office, where I filled out a form declaring the fact that I wanted a piece of paper to frame and hang on my wall, and little else, I probably would have gone for bigger and better things (although I was already on the 5 year plan and I probably would have declared basket weaving as my degree if I thought it would have gotten me that handshake from the dean and a walk across the stage any faster). Or at least tried to come up with some plan that would allow me to implement my devotion to History outside the walls of the great University of GA (go dawgs!).

Don't get me wrong, I know the simple fact of having a degree is important when applying for jobs, they show potential employers that you are trainable, possess relatively above average intellect, and at the very least have the ability to read and write your own name, but if you don't have a plan or desire to go along with it, it seems to simply boil down to a pretty frameable piece of art. I have slowly come to figure out things that I'm passionate about; that i love photography, i love design, i love antiques, i love wedding planning, i love children.... why couldn't I have picked a degree where I could have pursued a career in one of those fields, not that I can't now, but I don't have the background to just go out and grab a career dealing antiques, or photographing children. I am having to painstakingly teach myself, and/or pick up on things from others who are already established in those fields, which is fine, but it's putting me way behind the curve.

Don't get me wrong, I like my job (most days), and I love the fact that I have a job. But it's not my dream job by any stretch of the imagination. And I would love to one day be able to make a living doing what I LOVE to do, not just what I like. Wouldn't we all though?

Anyway, you live and you learn.

Guess that's what life is about.....

And I do love history.

Alan: This English monarch embraced Protestantism to obtain a divorce from his wife Catherine?
Me: Who was King Henry VIII?


XOXO,

ASM

Uh-oh. Sounds like somebody's got a case of the Mondays

Is it Monday again, already? After an absolutely beautiful weekend, I wake up Monday morning to rain, drizzle, fog, and general yuckyness that seems to have moved in and made itself at home for the past several months. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the rain, Lord knows we've needed the rain (although, Lord, I think we're doing pretty good at this point), but it has caused me to drag a bit this morning, and put me in a grumpy mood. I've spilled a cup of hot tea, and jammed up the copier, twice, all before 8:15. And when I say jammed up, I mean, had to take every door, drawer, swivel, and button off to fix the dern thing. Sweet.

Sound like somebody has a case of the Monday's? yeah, that'd be me.

I believe you have my stapler.

XOXO,

ASM

As American as Mama's Cream Cheese Pound Cake...

I love Norman Rockwell. I love his idealistic, quaint, and sentimental portrayals of American life. Some art critics call it “overly sweet.” I disagree; I think they simply represent the ideal aspects of an imperfect world.

I am as sentimental as the day is long, (i tear up during Publix commercials).so his art really “speaks” to me. It pulls as my heartstrings and makes me yearn for a simpler time, where children could play outside till dark with no fear of being snatched by the boogie man, where after prom, a couple would go down to the corner drugstore and share a malted shake; where when a little boy had enough of his baby sister and decided to run away, he packed his buffalo nickel and a Hardy Boy’s book in his red handkerchief, tied it on a stick, took his dog and set off down the dirt road to grandma’s house.

I love the wholesomeness, the snap shots of the American dream.

Of course, I’m not completely deluded enough to think that life really was “simpler” back in the good ol’ days. I mean you had the World Wars, the Cold War, women had the vote, but few other freedoms, and African Americans pretty much had nothing but each other.

But ahhhh, there’s still something about it. Not quite innocence, but something….

His illustrations are American as baseball and mama’s apple pie. Which by the way, my mama doesn’t make apple pie, but she does bake a mean cream cheese pound cake.

As American as mama’s cream cheese pound cake….

Then again, somethings never change, and that makes me smile too.

XOXO,

ASM

This one goes out to the one I love....

Tune stuck in your head yet? yeah, sorry bout that.


I met my honey October 26, 2007. We were set up by my nephew and our first date was a...da da dum... Blind One EEEEEEK! Turns, out he was wonderful, is wonderful, and hopefully will continue to be...wonderful.
He came strutting up to my front door wearing cowboy boots and tight little wrangler jeans with a bouquet of wild flowers, and my little ol' heart just melted into a puddle right then in there.

People say love at first sight is a myth... well folks, i'm here to tell you, It Ain't! I honestly and truly believe that in that first moment, I recognized that man for who he was, the partna' that God in his wondrous knowledge, created just for me. lucky me. It was a wonderful evening. And we have had continuous wonderful evenings, and mornings, and nights together since that first one.

He wears a cowboy hat and a bow tie equally well; Meaning, you can take him just about anywhere....which is a good thing.

He's a man with a heart of gold, a crooked little grin, and our dog Sutton follows him around like he hung the moon, and it doesn't hurt that he's one good lookin' son of a gun.

He's a little bit country, a little bit rock 'n roll, and he's allll mine!

love you cowboy.

XOXO,

ASM

It's Me Again Lord....

Some days, I’m just on a roll, (or at least I like to think I am), only positive and happy thoughts abound. I’m generous with my compliments, and I truly mean them, I’m internally placid, I give my extra dollars to the homeless man who camps out at my exit, and I pat myself on the back after a day well lived. And then there’s the flip-side, some days I’m just trouble…. I’m sharp, and mouthy (which I might have been able to get away with as a teenager, when I had puberty to pin it on, but mouthy is not a positive trait in an adult). I’m cheeky to the point of rudeness, and I lash out at those that I love the most. It’s on these days, when I can relate to the Catholic practice of going to confession. Going to a church and knocking on a little wooden door, and anonymously laying it all out there. It seems like instance after instance, I have to knock on the little door inside my heart, where Jesus lives and say, “It’s me again Lord”… and I need to talk… or be forgiven, or popped on the backside by a loving Father, and sent away pardoned, but seeing the error of my ways. It seems like these days are becoming more and more common in my daily life, and I just don’t like it!!!! <----insert cheekiness here. My life is blessed. I have an amazing husband, family, and friends. Good health, the more than occasional good hair day (when I work at it!), a steady paycheck (can I get an AMEN?!), and a back deck where I can plop myself down in a rocking chair, and hopefully one day watch my children play and grow, but currently watch my lovable mutts chase each other, their own tails, and the various flora and fauna that come through our neck of the woods. Thinking about it…. I’ve got it made.
knock, knock, knock...It’s Me Again Lord…. And I’d just like to say thanks!

XOXO,
ASM

To Blog or Not to Blog....

There’s something you should know about me, I’m not the most consistent person in the world. I mean, I follow through with the important things: eating, showering on a regular basis, and brushing my teeth, but other things like…. flossing, New Year's resolutions, diets, working out, and so on and so forth… I start off completely committed, and with every intention of sticking with it, but life, or complacency, or something gets in the way. So, blogging... funny word that, "blogging." It's one of one of those new words, like "bling bling" , "Word" , or "true dat" that just a few short years ago, didn't exist, and then over night, bam! there they are. New words. I'm actually excited that I know what they mean. I mean, I don't need another excuse to feel old. I'm only 26, but just the other day, the horrid phrase "When I was your age...." left my mouth and I almost had a mid life crisis right then and there, I actually went right to the computer and started googling smart little red convertibles. By the way, another one of my inconsistencies is staying on track... actually I'm pretty consistent with getting off track... so Hey! yay for me!


Confused yet? Happens to me all the time.


Anyway, blogging. Some of my friends do it, some of them don't. But from what I've seen, basically it's on online journal where you can give regular (key word: regular) entries of commentary. I like that. Makes me feel all Carrie Bradshaw-ish, but without the Manolo Blahnik's, apartment on the upper east side, or following okay, so it's nothing like CB, but a girl can dream can't she?

So stay tuned. For my opinions (probably less so on men, sex, and clothes, and the having and having not of those), of people, places, and things I come into contact with, and my general ramblings of life and the world, and my little corner of it!

Ciao for now!


XOXO,
ASM