Thursday, January 5, 2012

Wait... What?

okay, so life with a newborn/infant/almost 7 week old isn't easy. wait... nobody said it was? how could i have missed that? Actually, I didn't... it used to drive me crazy when people said, "enjoy your sleep, the peace and quiet, and time to yourself now, because once the baby comes, it's all over" with that smug little, 'i know something you don't know' look on their face, and a little giggle almost to themselves as if they had waged a war at some point and come out victorious and much wiser on the other side. It was then followed up by a quick, "but they are totally worth it" and I wondered if they were trying to convince me or themselves of that fact. I hated when people said that. They made having a baby sound like the choosing to have a child was equivalent to a bad toothache followed by a root canal, followed by a week long hangover. Okay, maybe not that bad, but rough going nonetheless.


The first few weeks, Little Bird slept, ate, pooped, slept, ate. a.lot. My nights were spent awake, and that made sense, but I assumed that by 4 weeks or so, something would change. She would sleep more and eat less during the night, start self-soothing more, and semi-entertaining herself some so I could do a few things around the house. W.R.O.N.G. She has gotten consistently worse. Last night I slept for 23 minutes total. Jason got about 45 probably, and Jolie got about 3 hours. That's when she wasn't eating every 1 1/2 hours, and screaming her head off the rest of the time. I don't know what's going on, but for the past 3 days, she's been what I deem "colicky", screaming .screaming. for no reason for minutes at a time. She'll go from perfectly content, interacting and making faces at me, to her face turning beet red and legs and arms locked out tight, with a noise coming out of her little lungs that is so high pitched at times only the dogs can hear it, and I know this because Mr. Butler will look at me with a pained expression and go sit at the door to be let out (25 degrees outside or not). I'm typing this up during a lull, but her legs have started kicking so I know the storm is about to rear its ugly head at any moment. I didn't know colic had a late-onset type, from everything I've read it tends to start subsiding by 6 weeks, not gearing up (maybe I'm not reading the right stuff). And this is right at the time I'm supposed to go back to work. Today was actually supposed to be my first day back, but I postponed it till Monday to hopefully buy some time to let this little fit work it's way out (in the name of Jesus, Amen). I don't know if this crying is caused by something I am eating and passing on to her that doesn't agree with her tummy, but I've cut out almost everything and have been eating bland prison food like water and bread for the past several days, so I don't know what much more I could do from that end....
Jason called and made a doctor's appointment for her for later this afternoon just to make sure it's nothing serious. I couldn't call because every time I picked the phone up, she would let out a holler that would frighten the crows, so talking to anybody on the phone was out of the question. Although I'm sure I could have just held the phone up to Jolie, and they would have scheduled me an appointment with no words being exchanged. My conversation with Jason went as follows:
Me: Please call...
Me: the...
Jason: what? I can't hear you... is she screaming?
Me: doctor
Jason: should we take her to the doctor?

Okay, so maybe it didn't go exactly that way, but it was close. The screaming part though? dead.on.

I'm hoping it's just gas, they'll give me some gas drops, and we'll be on our merry way, and she will sleep through the night, and be back to her cheerful, happy self in the morning (in Jesus name, Amen). At this point, if she's not eating or sleeping, she is in my arms and we are walking. walking. walking. If I stop walking or put her down, here comes the noise. Bless her.

I have a baby, and so now 'i know something you don't know" too, and now I can shake my head and smile a little when I come across another soon-to-be mother and just tell her to enjoy her sleep, peace and quiet, and time to herself while she can, because "trust me" once the baby comes, it's all over. I also know and promise, that your child will make nights shorter, make you feel a little . a lot . insane, and wring every last drop of love out of your heart and they are totally, and absolutely worth it. Every last sleep deprived second, day 4 of no shower, 16 piles of dirty laundry, no food in the house because you can't get to the grocery store, bewildered looks between yourself and your husband, frustrated spells (there have been quite a few), and memory loss, W.O.R.T.H. I.T. (and I'm not just trying to convince myself, haha)

peek-a-boo. i see you little girl. and you are the most precious thing in my life.

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