Dear Joliet Parker - Month 3

Dear Joliet,
You turned 3 months old on February 19th. Little lady, what gives? You are three months old and people swore to me that by three months you would be sleeping through the night, colic would be gone, and you'd be talking, walking, and potty trained... well, maybe not those last three, which is okay, because we don't want you growing up too quickly anyway!

It seems like the DAY you hit 3 months you revved up big time in the colic department. Now instead of just having meltdowns in the afternoon and evenings, you have them in the morning too. Good thing Mimaw Nita loves you like we do, or she might just tell mommy and daddy that Mr. Butler can watch you while mommy's at work, she can't do it anymore. But she keeps letting me bring you back every morning, so Amen for that!

This month you had your first bout of constipation which was almost as painful for mommy as it was for you. You cried for 2 days, and I finally called the doctor and they said bring you on in because they could tell over the phone that my hair was standing on end because you were screaming so loudly. We got you something that worked like a charm and after about 1 hour of almost constant pooping, you grinned nonstop for the rest of the night. And then geared back up for a full day of screaming your head off with daddy.

You also had your first real cold, and then you gave it to mommy and we were both miserable for about a week. We coughed and hacked, and had runny noses and no sleep. We cried a lot together that week. It was rough, but nothing serious and we bounced back once it moved on down the road.

This month you began to hold your head up for longer periods of time when mommy or daddy holds you, and you sit up pretty well when you're supported by pillows. One morning while I was getting ready for work you started whimpering and grunting and I walked back in the room and you were laying sideways and cockeyed, where had slid down and sideways and were looking at me out of the corner of your eye with an "are you kidding me? help me out here lady" look on your face. So, you're not there yet, but pretty soon, you'll be doing it all on your own.

You are talking a lot more. Cooing and blowing bubbles, and being a regular old chatty cathy. You haven't said "mommy you're my favorite" yet, but I can tell you are getting close.

You've also started reaching and grabbing for things. It's so cute to hold something out and see you swing your arms around in circles getting closer and closer to whatever I'm holding until you surprise yourself by actually grabbing it.

You are growing like a stinkin' weed and mommy and daddy have a feeling you are going to be tall. Mommy still puts you in your 3 month onesies, and you look like you are going to blow out the feet of them any moment.

You've also started drooling a lot which is a sign that teething may be just around the corner. With the spitting up and the drool, you and whoever(whomever? that one always trips mommy up!) is holding you goes through a lot of shirts during the day!

When you are starting to get fussy we can generally put you on the changing table and for whatever reason you will calm down, and start talking. I love snuggling you under your chin and blowing hard on your tummy. Your eyes get big like you have no idea what is going on, but you like it. Unless you don't and then you just get mad and scream, and mommy goes and sits in the corner, holds her knees, and rocks back and forth like a crazy lady. just kidding. maybe.

We've been taking you to church a lot lately, and you stay with us the whole time. Most Sundays you do well. Sometimes you sleep almost through the whole service, and mommy and daddy just smile and nod, and cut eyes at each other when people say, "Oh, what a good baby!". Other times you open your mouth and we can tell you're about to lose it, so Daddy jumps up with you like his britches just caught fire and heads outside before the whole place comes crashing down around us with your intense scream.

Some days it seems like you have been around for ever. Other days we look at you in wonder and just can't believe you're here. It's been 3 months, and for the life of me I can't remember what I did before you were born. Oh wait, it just came to me... sleep. I slept a lot before you were born. Some Saturdays the only decision mommy would have to make is how long to lay around on the couch before getting up and going back to bed for a nap. I don't sleep anymore. Haven't really since the day we brought you home, but that's okay. You're totally worth it. That crazy mommy with the dark circles, and bags, and new wrinkles, and oily hair, and well, you get it.... that mommy loves you like she's never loved anything before in her life.

Just in case we don't say it enough (though I think we say it a million times a day), we love you, we love you, we love you. If you are never sure about anything else in your life, you can be certain of that. Through the good, through the bad, through the long days, the even longer nights, the screaming fits, the feeling of "what am I doing wrong", all the moments, of all the days, of all our lives, we love you.

You are a whirlwind in a tiny body J-bird, and if this is any indication of the woman you are going to become, I do believe you will move mountains.

Happy 3 months Baby Girl.
Mommy

What I ♥...

i love her.

i love them.

and him

and them too.

i love here.

and here

i love this.

and that.

i love....

being a mommy

when big j gets up with little j at 5 o'clock on saturday mornings so i can sleep in

that my daughter has slept 8 hours on 3 different occasions, not consecutively but that's still progress!

that my mom seems to always know when i'm having a bad day, and calls to "check on" me without me having to call her first.

that the honeymoon period of my marriage is over, but i am more in love with my husband today than i was the day i married him

the way my dad knows how fix e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g

when i let mr. butler out of his crate in the morning, he stretches out as wide as he can and then jumps up and hugs my leg

the smell of lemon zest

the inside jokes i share with my brother

a good tube of mascara

taking pretty pictures and making pretty papers

the way my daddy says "you're so pretty, i love you so much" to my daughter

a good book

my mother's hands
they are always soft as butter and cool to the touch

mismatched antique silverware

dancing around with jolie to motown music when she's having a meltdown

old christian, gospel, & camp hymns/songs

a long nap

the smell of jolie's laundry

the feeling i get when we pass over the causeway to the island

hearing jolie and her daddy 'talk' to each other

repeating 'i love jolie' over and over again and having her coo back at me each time

telling jolie that she's smart, pretty, kind, loving, generous, patient, respectful, humble, grateful, all the words of traits that i want to instill in her as she grows.

creme brulee

the feeling of coming home i get when i walk through the door of the house in ssi

the dual feeling of coming home i get when i walk through the door of our home every day

pinning things on pinterest

lewis grizzard

when tiki-belle puts her paws up on the side of the bed and looks over the mattress with a hopeful look on her face asking to be let up on the bed (works every time)

lunch dates with my grandmother

when i cook something that actually tastes good

driving through emerson and seeing my uncle riding down the road on his lawn mower

planning all the little and big things i/we want to do to the house

singing along with adele and k̶n̶o̶w̶i̶n̶g̶ thinking i sound exactly like her.

researching my family history

looking up words in a thesaurus

play dates for mommy

when all the laundry is finished and put away (until j gets home)

that our neighbor/friend who watches jolie during the day loves her like a surrogate granddaughter

the face jolie makes when she wakes up and stretches

watching and laughing at 'how i met your mother'

$1 sweet teas from McDonald's

pronouncing McDonald's "Macdonalds" and driving Jason crazy in the process

the way jolie's hair sticks up after her bath, nap, playtime, nursing, etc... and we nearly have to slick it down with spit to get it to stay down

when jolie pokes her bottom lip out right before she starts whimpering. it's not a real cry, it's more of a 'feel sorry for me' look that is just so pitiful and funny at the same time

myrtle street beach access

puppy breath

the fact that i lost all of my baby weight +some within 4 weeks of giving birth, that was 50 pounds people (i'm sure i'll gain a good bit back when i stop nursing!)

when jason brings home fresh flowers

air purifiers

decorating on a shoestring budget and it turning out like i envisioned

whimsically designed fabric patterns

eclectic farmhouse style

tufted furniture

when jason wears a bow tie

when jason wears wranglers and a pearl snap

when jason wears.... well, you get it (he makes anything look good)

mixing metals in my decor (gold, silver, pewter)

cigarette pants

being unexpectedly, but pleasantly surprised by life

sunday sermons

sunday dinners after church

the way sweet pea gets excited when i go down to feed her

sitting by the campfire on a crisp, cool evening as the sun goes down and comes back up (with a good night of sleep in between)

the sounds of birds, and crickets, and squirrels running through the trees

vintage tea cups and saucers

fair food
(as in funnel cake, fried oreos, corndogs, etc... not impartial, equal food) ps. i got to look up fair in the thesaurus. winning.

claw foot tubs and farmhouse sinks

bubblegum

my husband's laugh

jolie's funny faces

vintage luggage

i guess i can wrap it up here, although i could probably write a list a day on the things i love.

i hope everyone had a very happy heart day!

xo,
asm

ps- i love my daughter.... can you tell?

Baby Mine - 2 Months

Jolie turned 2 months on Thursday, the 19th. Um, excuse me, but how did that happen? It was just last week that I was getting up at night every 2.5 minutes to go to the bathroom, fighting the acid reflux with giant bottles of tums, couldn't see my feet, or get in and out of the car without "heave ho-ing" myself out of my seat. Wasn't it? Actually, it's no wonder I have absolutely no sense of time these days. Everything just kind of runs together now. I guess that's what happens when said 2 month old wakes up to: eat, spit-up, 'talk' (ie. grunt, groan, blow bubbles), poop, cry, play the stimulating game of 'put paci in, spit paci out', all.night.long. I'm back to work now, which adds an even more exciting element to the new mommy game. I pretty much stay in a state of moderate to severe delirium depending on the day. But I'm still trying to just take in every moment, because in the larger scheme of things, I know these days are fleeting, and one day I'll look back, and really wonder where the time went.

wearing mommy's bonnet

Dear J-bird,
You are two months old. And I didn't think it was possible, but daddy and I love you even more than we did the moment we first saw your precious face. Some things haven't changed in the past month, you still keep mommy up most of the night, and you still spit up, a.lot. Between you and your daddy, my pretty pink couch is pretty much ruined. Daddy likes to drop food on it when he's eating dinner in front of the t.v., and you like to projectile vomit your dinner all over it when daddy goes to burp you. For some reason we had a delayed response to the fact that it happened every time, and now keep the cushions covered with blankets when we feed you on it. Daddy sometimes forgets though, but it's okay I would take you over a pretty pink couch any day of the week.
Especially because now you are cooing!!! It startled me the first time you did it. I was changing your diaper, and you looked right at me, and made the sweetest little sound that I've ever heard. You don't do it very often, maybe once or twice a day, so it's such a surprise and treat when you do it. Daddy and I crack up every time we hear you. And argue as to which one of us you are telling 'i love you' to! You also move your mouth in such a way that it looks like at any second your are just going to spout off a couple of sentences.
When you hit about 6 weeks you found your tongue, and when you are wide awake that little thing is just poking in and out of your mouth constantly. It makes our hearts so happy to see you discover your world.
Another first, is you are now crying real tears. For the most part, it's still just a lot of noise when you cry. But every once in awhile, when you are really upset with something (usually mommy taking too long before she feeds you), big ole crocodile tears squeeze out between your lashes, and it's just the most pitiful thing. They are usually accompanied by the most woebegone little frown, that just makes mommy and daddy feel so bad for you, but we usually still giggle because it's the cutest thing at the same time.
You still have most of your hair, but you seem to be getting more of a receding hairline. Looking more and more like daddy every day! Haha. It's getting thinner, but still dark and lovely.
Mommy finally broke down and put you on your tummy to sleep. This was a biggie for me. I don't know why I've been so worried or against it. I suppose it's because ALL the baby books, doctors, etc. say to put you on your back. But when you think about it, there is no animal in God's great kingdom that sleeps on it's back. I can't do it, so why do we think you will sleep comfortably doing it? You didn't. You're still up a lot, but I've seen a difference in how quickly you fall asleep when I put you down for bed. I think it helps with your reflux too.
Ah, acid reflux. How I loathe thee. I had it the whole time I was pregnant, and it was miserable, so if your reflux is even half of what I had, I hurt for you. You were diagnosed as a 'classic reflux baby' at 7 weeks, and put on medicine. I don't know how much it is helping because you still have screaming fits that the doctor said was caused by the reflux, so we may have to up your dose or change meds completely. We have your 2 month check up next week, so we'll find out more then.
Here's a fun fact. After two months of giving you a paci, mommy figured out that you've been sucking on a toddler pacifier (parents of the year, right here man!). I didn't even look at the packaging when I opened it up several days after we brought you home. I hope it doesn't mess up your sweet, pretty mouth. Another thing to ask the doctor. I tried giving you a new one that is made for a newborn, but you just kind of moved it around in your mouth and spit it out, and gave me a 'what exactly are you trying to pull lady?' look.
Your eyes are a dark, steely grey color, but I'm pretty sure they will stay dark and turn brown or hazel like mommy and daddy's. Your face shape is changing little by little. We think you look like daddy from the eyes up, and mommy from the nose down. And you still have the cutest little double chin (you get that from mommy too, yours is way cuter though!). Your legs are long, with just a roll or two up on your thighs, and your sweet little hands have dimples on the knuckles. Your lashes are long, but light in color, and your eyebrows are finally starting to darken up a little. Your fingernails are razor blade sharp and last week you swiped mommy on the cheek accidentally and drew blood! You've cut yourself several times, and even made the inside of your ear bleed like mad at one point. We nearly had a heart attack before we realized it was just a tiny scratch, and not some tragic injury of a sort that we were imagining when we first saw it.
The doggies and kitties are finally used to you. But Mr. Butler still gets upset when he hears you cry. I put Tiki-Belle up on the bed with us the other day, and she curled up at your feet. She's my love too, so I'm so glad that she seems to be taking to you more.
You're 2 months old, and lots and lots of changes my sweet girl.
All in all, you are a bright, shining, lovely, happy baby bird. Mommy's love, and daddy's pride & joy. We think we'll keep you.
Love you for always.
Mommy

The 'Bird's' Nest

Since Handsome and I didn't find out that Jolie was a little lady until the moment the doctor put her in my arms, we couldn't really decorate her room until she got here. We decided on neutral colors beforehand, which were gray and yellow. We picked the wall color and Jason turned into superman and changed out the flooring on the second floor, including her room, and painted. We got the crib, and then we just had to wait around to finish the rest. I did order what I thought was a solid white crib bedding set, but when it came in, J opened it up and found out that there were tiny pink flowers all over the inside bumper and crib sheet. I thought about sending it back, but wound up deciding to keep it just in case... it was a sign!

Everything in her room but her bedding and a painting is used, borrowed, or handmade. And although I still for some reason tell people her room is 'gray & yellow', it's more accurately 'gray & every color in the rainbow'. There's no real theme, which I'm okay with because I'm not a boxed room kind of girl. I like more of an eclectic or whimsical look. There are a few more things that need to be completed, I still need to hang the custom birth announcement wall art that I made. And I'm still looking for the perfect yellow curtain to go on the window, a rug, and a red or yellow glider to replace the rocking chair. I also still have to get my dads old Boy Scout box and clean it up to use as her toy box under the window.... So, all in all, it's still a work in progress. It may be finished by the time she gets her drivers license.

The cow painting was the first purchase we made for the nursery. The few people that have seen it, have been "wow. a cow. in a nursery", but we love it. The 'M' was made for me by a sweet friend who threw us a beautiful baby shower.

I painted this chair 'ballet slipper pink' and recovered the seat with a pretty new fabric. The lamb I bought at the Goodwill for .50 cents. Double washed it, and it's good as new.
These little porcelain farm life figurines were in my room when I was a little girl. The table was given to me by a friend, and I changed out the original black knobs to give it a little more color.
The Texas & Georgia wall art I made
Gold frame and chicken wire display (made by my daddy) of "pretties". vintage purse, hankie, and kid gloves belonged to my Great-Grandmother
antique lamp, picture of Jolie's mommy and mumsey, & a book "A Southern Belle Primer"
Embroidery hoop + fabric makes for inexpensive & custom wall art

antique lamp base, with a pink shade & fabric rosettes I made for less than $5
vintage beaded coin purse collection. (still need pictures in several frames)
I purchased this sweet angel at a local boutique in town. I've had it for several years. It's like it was made for her nursery.

floral painting was painted by Joliet's Great-Great Aunt Scarlett

a sweet little white dress from when I was a baby

This curtain isn't staying. I'm still looking for a pale yellow cotton print to make a panel for the window.

So that's Little Bird's nest as it is for the moment. Can't wait to get it all finished up!

Wait... What?

okay, so life with a newborn/infant/almost 7 week old isn't easy. wait... nobody said it was? how could i have missed that? Actually, I didn't... it used to drive me crazy when people said, "enjoy your sleep, the peace and quiet, and time to yourself now, because once the baby comes, it's all over" with that smug little, 'i know something you don't know' look on their face, and a little giggle almost to themselves as if they had waged a war at some point and come out victorious and much wiser on the other side. It was then followed up by a quick, "but they are totally worth it" and I wondered if they were trying to convince me or themselves of that fact. I hated when people said that. They made having a baby sound like the choosing to have a child was equivalent to a bad toothache followed by a root canal, followed by a week long hangover. Okay, maybe not that bad, but rough going nonetheless.

Ahem....

The first few weeks, Little Bird slept, ate, pooped, slept, ate. a.lot. My nights were spent awake, and that made sense, but I assumed that by 4 weeks or so, something would change. She would sleep more and eat less during the night, start self-soothing more, and semi-entertaining herself some so I could do a few things around the house. W.R.O.N.G. She has gotten consistently worse. Last night I slept for 23 minutes total. Jason got about 45 probably, and Jolie got about 3 hours. That's when she wasn't eating every 1 1/2 hours, and screaming her head off the rest of the time. I don't know what's going on, but for the past 3 days, she's been what I deem "colicky", screaming .screaming. for no reason for minutes at a time. She'll go from perfectly content, interacting and making faces at me, to her face turning beet red and legs and arms locked out tight, with a noise coming out of her little lungs that is so high pitched at times only the dogs can hear it, and I know this because Mr. Butler will look at me with a pained expression and go sit at the door to be let out (25 degrees outside or not). I'm typing this up during a lull, but her legs have started kicking so I know the storm is about to rear its ugly head at any moment. I didn't know colic had a late-onset type, from everything I've read it tends to start subsiding by 6 weeks, not gearing up (maybe I'm not reading the right stuff). And this is right at the time I'm supposed to go back to work. Today was actually supposed to be my first day back, but I postponed it till Monday to hopefully buy some time to let this little fit work it's way out (in the name of Jesus, Amen). I don't know if this crying is caused by something I am eating and passing on to her that doesn't agree with her tummy, but I've cut out almost everything and have been eating bland prison food like water and bread for the past several days, so I don't know what much more I could do from that end....
Jason called and made a doctor's appointment for her for later this afternoon just to make sure it's nothing serious. I couldn't call because every time I picked the phone up, she would let out a holler that would frighten the crows, so talking to anybody on the phone was out of the question. Although I'm sure I could have just held the phone up to Jolie, and they would have scheduled me an appointment with no words being exchanged. My conversation with Jason went as follows:
Jolie: SCREAMING
Me: Please call...
Jolie: SCREAMING
Me: the...
Jason: what? I can't hear you... is she screaming?
Jolie: SCREAMING
Me: doctor
Jolie: SCREAMING
Jason: should we take her to the doctor?
Jolie: REALLY SCREAMING

Okay, so maybe it didn't go exactly that way, but it was close. The screaming part though? dead.on.

I'm hoping it's just gas, they'll give me some gas drops, and we'll be on our merry way, and she will sleep through the night, and be back to her cheerful, happy self in the morning (in Jesus name, Amen). At this point, if she's not eating or sleeping, she is in my arms and we are walking. walking. walking. If I stop walking or put her down, here comes the noise. Bless her.


I have a baby, and so now 'i know something you don't know" too, and now I can shake my head and smile a little when I come across another soon-to-be mother and just tell her to enjoy her sleep, peace and quiet, and time to herself while she can, because "trust me" once the baby comes, it's all over. I also know and promise, that your child will make nights shorter, make you feel a little . a lot . insane, and wring every last drop of love out of your heart and they are totally, and absolutely worth it. Every last sleep deprived second, day 4 of no shower, 16 piles of dirty laundry, no food in the house because you can't get to the grocery store, bewildered looks between yourself and your husband, frustrated spells (there have been quite a few), and memory loss, W.O.R.T.H. I.T. (and I'm not just trying to convince myself, haha)

peek-a-boo. i see you little girl. and you are the most precious thing in my life.

Month 1

My little baby girl is already one month old. I am only in al̶i̶t̶t̶l̶e̶ ̶b̶i̶t̶ a lot of denial about this fact. In order to remember all the little changes as they happen, I decided to keep a month to month record of changes including a picture... or pictures. J-bird keeps me up almost all night long so as punishment, I spend all day taking pictures of her. she.hates.it. Too stinkin' bad little girl. Shouldn't be so cute.

Month 1

Joliet Parker Marrow
December 19, 2011
10.15 lbs. 23 3/4 ins.

You are one month old. You get prettier and prettier every day. And everybody falls more in love with you every time they see you.
You and mommy still get up 4 times a night. And feedings generally take 1.5-2 hours due to diaper changes, nursing, burping, and hanging out to let the milk settle. Makes for some long nights. For the past week you've been fussier than usual and I think it may be something in mommy's diet, so mommy has cut out dairy, tomatoes, mexican food, onions, anything spicy, chocolate, basically all the good stuff. .. hoping it will help your stomach settle. You are staying awake more which is a joy because we get to see those big ole beautiful eyes. You have the best time looking at the Christmas tree lights. You stare at them for hours. You've started turning your head to the sound of mommy and daddy's voice when we come in the room. You make the cutest face when you get finished nursing and start your stretching. Your face tightens up and you purse your lips. You usually have milk running down your chin and your face is damp from it, and mommy has to stop herself from squeezing and snuggling you too hard from you being so cute. You haven't had any projectile vomiting in a week or two, but do spit up on occasion a lot. I think you must grow an inch a day because every morning you look noticeably longer than the night before. Your eyes still cross from time to time, but that just means you are learning to control and focus them. Mr. Butler and Tiki-Belle still haven't quite figured you out, and mostly ignore you unless you are crying and then Mr. Butler whines and tries to jump up to get you. Your Mumsy found Crete sleeping in your crib yesterday, but that's pretty much the extent of the cats relationship with you. We haven't taken you out to meet Sweet Pea yet, but she probably won't have anything to do with you either, unless you have food for her. We still haven't quite figured out who you look like. You definitely have your daddy's hair. You even have his power alleys. Mommy doesn't see a whole lot of herself in you yet, except for the forehead. maybe that'll come or maybe you'll always just look like you. A beautiful, big eyed, pouty lipped little munchkin. One month baby girl, and we are loving every minute.

for some reason her headband reminds me of a spider crawling across her head.... eeeekk.

and one more....

She Has My Whole Heart...

I love surprises. Birthday parties, Christmas presents, anniversary trips, things like that.... and a good surprise engagement story will melt my heart like butter every time.

Over November 18-19, I received the surprise of my life. Friday the 18th started off like any other (cue the whimsical music, and fade in), Jason happened to have the day off so he went with me to my twice a week Doctors appointment for my blood pressure check and non-stress test for Little Bit. I had been going to these appointments twice a week for the past month. Each time, they checked me and the baby, and determined that although my BP was high, they felt safe enough to let the pregnancy continue until the risk of continuing outweighed the benefits of waiting. However, they told us to be prepared, that at any time they could make the call to induce. Because they had been sending me home each time for the past month, when we went in Friday we assumed that that time would be the same. We went in and the nurse checked my BP and it read 150/90. She then said, Well, we're not going to do the NST today, we'll probably do something else. She then walked us back to the exam room, and told us to sit tight for the Doctor to come in and talk to us. Jason and I just sat there wondering what kind of other test they were going to do since they weren't doing the non-stress test. Well Dr. Little comes through the door and starts talking about the dangers of high blood pressure in pregnancy and all the side effects that it could cause to me and the baby. She then proceeds to say, so I think today is the day we need to make the call to go ahead and make plans to have this baby. Jason and I immediately look at each other, kind of dazed like, and I asked, "so, maybe induce Monday or Tuesday then?", and she said, "Oh no, we need to get this baby out a.s.a.p, we need to do this tonight." Holy Cow, it's kind of funny how surprised we were seeing as we had been told to be prepared for this for a month and half.

So as we are wrapping our heads around the fact that we were going to be parents soon, Jason heads to the house to get his and baby's bag, that had been packed, but not put in the car. I head over to labor and delivery to get started on the paperwork (fun!). I was walking around on a semi-cloud, because even though I knew we were having a baby, I didn't feel like I was having a baby. No contractions, no broken water, none of the stuff to know that I was in labor, and would soon be holding my baby on the outside instead of inside.

Apparently, that weekend was the most popular weekend of the year to have a baby because there was no room at the inn, meaning they didn't have any beds available to put me in, so I had to go sit in the waiting room with all the families who were waiting on their bundles of joy to arrive. Jason finally blew through the doors with all 50 of our bags, and there we sat for about 30 more minutes. A room eventually became available, come to find out we "stole" one from a mom-to-be who was ahead of us, but we were triaged to her room due to my preeclampsia issue. The l&d nurse got me all hooked up to the monitors, and gave me a pill around 8 that was going to "get things started" The plan was to get things rolling, and then they would give me pitocin Saturday morning, and hopefully we would have a baby by Saturday evening.

Once I was given the pill I started having contractions, and although they were uncomfortable, they weren't painful... I was like, man if this is as bad as it gets, "I've got this". I've had two bouts of kidney stones in the past, so I went into the labor thing with this big idea that I'd been through that kind of pain in the past, and the contractions I was feeling weren't that bad, so I had an overinflated sense that "HEY! maybe I can do this without the drugs...." Then, Dr. Little came back in to break my water. At that time she says, "the contractions will get noticeably stronger." That woman is a liar!! Within two minutes it felt like my insides were being turned inside out and I was hollering for the epidural! The anesthesiologist came in and hooked me up to the drugs, the problem was, it only took on my right side. My left side still felt like it was being screwed to a wall. He came back in about 30 minutes later and had to redo it, and the pain finally started to fade on my left side as well, thank you Jesus! Jason was probably pretty thankful too, because although I hate to admit it, I definitely would have been one of those laboring mothers who is jerking her husband by the collar screeching "you did this to me, I hate you!" haha. So again I say, thank you Jesus for modern medicine!

Well, the nurse came back to check me around 5 am, and was shocked to see that I had dilated to an 8 cm, would not be needing the pitocin, and would be pushing within the next hour or two. Jason quickly started calling family to let them know. By 7:30 I was at a 10 and had started pushing. I've always been under the impression that when you are having a baby with an epidural, you just kind of push, and there's the baby. No real work involved. HA! I don't know where I got that idea, but good thing I'm not a betting woman, because I would have lost my shirt on that one. I only pushed for 45 mins, but each time I just knew my head was about to blow off my neck. Thank goodness it didn't because that would have just added a whole other level of mess I wouldn't have been prepared to deal with.

Well, Handsome and my mom coached me to push one more time, and then there she was. SHE. we have a daughter. Since Jason and I didn't find out the gender of the baby, that was the second surprise in 24 hours, and it was the best, most beautiful, heart stopping, life changing surprise. They put her up on my chest, and I got one good look at her before they took her away because she wasn't catching her breath immediately, and they had to work on her for a few minutes. But in that moment, I was forever changed. When I heard that first reedy cry, my breath stopped, and I understood in that moment, what "they" mean when they say, that "deciding to have a child is to decide to forever after have your heart go walking around outside your body." For the rest of my life, my heart belongs to a dark haired beauty with big, bright eyes. I don't know where her life will take her, or what plans God has for her, but I do know that her daddy and I will always be her biggest fans. She will always be the love of our lives, and we will love her with our whole hearts until the end of time.

So that's our delivery story, minus a few details that are better left unwritten about. For the record, labor and delivery is not pain free, elegant, and/or a clean event. And whatever modesty you may feel, is soon gone right out the window.

But trust me.... it is also the most awe-inspiring, overwhelmingly beautiful moment that life can offer. Children are a gift from God. A miracle in its purest form.

Joliet Parker Marrow.... our joy, our happiness, our heartbeat, our miracle.